everlasting true love

2008-09-09T03:34:00.000+08:00

Opz !
I havent blogged for quite some time
Lols ! Sorry ! :P
Cause have been busy celebrating my birthday
then busy spending time with laogong when he booked out few days back
Hmm
This year de birthday ah
still okay ba
didnt manage to cut any cake so kinda disappointed :(
also didnt manage to eat any cake until ive complaint to laogong
then he bought one from MacCafe for me :P
Thanks laogong ! ^^
the cake ah .. still acceptable .. average taste
but very sweet cause .. lots of love from HIM ! :D

Here comes the PHOTOs .. .. ..

Talking to baby till I very thirsty :P

Thanks for the meal GUYS ! ^^
Thanks for the present GIRLS ! :D
Top : Zhuowei .. Hongsoon .. KelvinChua
Bottom : JieyingNuer .. ChanmyatLaogong .. ME .. ZiyiHaigui .. QikaiAide

Ying .. Myat .. Hui .. Yi

Sisters for LIFE ! x33

Laopo .. Laogong

Rumiko x3

Happy 19th Birthday RUMIKO ! ^^

祝我生日快乐 !

Thanks for the cake baby ! I Love You ! :D

2008-09-03T06:21:00.001+08:00

- 020908

One of the happiest days of my life ! ^^
Buddies helped me advance celebrate my birthday
although simple but i really enjoyed myself very much :D

Who came : Wenloong, Zhonghwee, Dapian(Zenan), Guanqian, Justin, Zexun and David
Who didnt come : Nicholas[in camp] and Chenyang[pei gf]
met at Westmall in the evening 5plus
. went pasta mania eat
. watched 'Death Race' at 720pm
. went gombak there de cc play basketball
. took cab home at 3+am
i really had lots of laughter and fun with them ..
cause its been months since we last met
and its been years since we last played basketball together
we used to play every single day years back then
frankly speaking, i really miss those days, miss them lots ! :(
i really love playing basketball with them
cause no stress and purely enjoying the matches
win or lose doesnt matter
as long as we enjoyed the whole process
only laughter, fun and joy exist
that is how we play basketball all along :)
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING TODAY, MY ALWAYS FAITHFUL DE BUDDIES !! ^^
the cake, the company, the happiness that you all gave me today ! appreciated lots !
Thanks for coming ! I LOVE YOU GUYS !! :D

Dapian .. Wenloong .. Zhonghwee

David .. Guanqian .. Zexun .. Justin

Wenloong .. Me >>BEST BUDDIES FOR LIFE ! ^^

Me .. Guanqian(youngest in buddies group :P)

Me .. My Strawberry Birthday Cake From Buddies ! x33

Upper : Wenloong .. Justin .. Dapian .. David
Lower : Zhonghwee .. Guanqian .. Me
[Zexun excluded cause went off early ..]

2008-09-02T04:17:00.001+08:00

I SWEAR TO MYSELF THAT I WONT LET YOU SPEND A SINGLE CENT ON ME ANYMORE !
I WONT RELY ON YOU EVER AGAIN !
THIS TIME IVE LEARNT MY LESSON AND SEEN YOUR TRUE COLOURS !
YOU SETTLE PAYMENT FOR YOUR OWN STUFFS and I SETTLE MINE !
FROM NOW ONWARDS STOP ACTING LIKE A GENTLEMAN WANTING TO HELP ME PAY FOR MY STUFFS CAUSE I DONT NEED YOUR HELP AT ALL !
I'LL SETTLE MY OWN PAYMENTS FROM NOW ON !
I RATHER RISK MY LIFE TO ROB A BANK THAN USING YOUR FUCKING MONEY !!!!

2008-08-29T03:39:00.001+08:00

Last night laogong didnt call me from camp
tonight also
two nights le
im starting to get worried
usually he will warn me beforehand that he which day cant use phone call me or what de
this time no warning at all
so sudden
i wonder laogong's doing fine in there
hais ! :(
i miss him alot too !!
sobs ! :'(

Whenever i see couples on streets,i really envy them
i will think,where's mine ?
hais ! :(
Being an army boy's girl isnt easy ..
really
you must be able to tolerate the loneliness
to endure the pain of your love one not being able to be there for you when you need him
to make yourself understand that your love one didnt mean to lose his presence too
you might feel that have bf like dont have like that
BUT ..
as long as both hearts are connected,distance isnt a big problem
as long as both hearts are truly loved by each other,nothing can ever separate them
SO ..
this time nothing can separate me and laogong
cause I LOVE HIM TO BITS ! ^^
p.s. (when he's good ..)
(when he's bad .. I HATE HIM TO BITS !!) LOL ! :x

Tml friday le
laogong booking out tml night
cant wait to see him
going to fetch him :D

Last night went out and came back real late
im too tired to bath so just changed and went to bed
but unfortunately,i got caught by my eldest bro
hais !
DAMN SUAY!
he likes cleanliness lots and set the rule of bathing straight back home
he's so mad that he shouted damn loud at me and resort violence on me once again
hais ! :(
he also punished me by cutting down on my freedom
fuck !
since young i already lost alot freedom just cause he's mentally ill
usually as people grow up,they get more and more freedom
but me ?
lesser and lesser ..
hais ! :(
I REALLY HATE HIM TO THE CORE !!!!!!
HOW I WISH I CAN JUST KILL HIM !
ARGHHH !! :( :( :(

Recently im desperately waiting for job
hais !
cause im currently with Recruit Express Agency
they previously found me a job at Singapore Flyer(Ferris Wheel)
and i signed a contract with them not to terminate work within 3months
but i only start work for two days,my agent and the manager there had some dispute
and i stopped work since then
its been 3 to 4 weeks without job le
im damn damn DAMN FUCKED UP WITH THEM !
JUST A TOTAL WASTE OF MY TIME !!
my agent say will help me find temporary job to replace first but none came
if not for that fucking contract,i would have went to find other jobs myself
it'll be more efficient
IDIOT !
FUCK !
hais ! :(

` laogong<3laopo `

2008-08-27T01:32:00.002+08:00

cause 'SOMEBODY' keep complaining that my blog is DEAD so ..
HERE I AM AGAIN ! :D
DARLING !
my blog alive le, HAPPY NOW !? =.=

Previously DEAD because alot stuffs happened and i really dont have the mood to blog
especially the breaking up with baby
brought me down tremendously
and now i havent recover totally yet :(

After many incidents,im finally back with baby
opz ! sorry !
forgot that upgrade to laogong le :P
shit la !
laogong gonna punish me for that again ! :(

Frankly speaking ..
i miss laogong alot alot
hais !
now school holiday,no work can find
everyday go down batok slack
although better than staying home,but still ..
sibei sian and lifeless :(
how i wish laogong no need serve ns
then i everyday still can go out with laogong or go his house pei him :)

Im really sorry for everything that happened previously laogong !
sorry for hurting you so much so deeply
Thanks for everything too !
that you did for me APPRECIATED and TREASURED ! ^^

Updates on my studies ..
waiting for expulsion i guess
cause i failed everything for LAN
coursework .. common test .. etc etc etc
exam i also dont know how to do
confirm die le
i really hate LAN man !
hate it to the core !
arghhh !! :(
Im only left with two choices ..
1) End My Life
2) Get an admin job and work for 1 or 2years to pay back bank loan for my poly fees and also save money for going SIM to take a diploma for the course that i truly interested(Management Studies)
Which is better ?
BUT ..
if i really get expelled from school,i dont know how to tell my bro
hes gonna beat me to death
i rather end my life myself instead
hais :(
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO ?

` laogong<3laopo `

2008-07-18T02:13:00.004+08:00

I MADE A REALLY STUPID MOTHER FUCKING MISTAKE IN MY LAN THEORY TEST TODAY !!

fuck fuck FUCK !

Arghhh !

Im so damn FUCKED UP with myself !

that particular mistake = whole paper WRONG

FUCK !

after knowing that mistake, i really feel like killing myself ..
the mistake is too stupid already ..

OMG !

AHHH ! :'(

Whats wrong with ME !?!
how can i make such a stupid mistake !?

Hais !
anyway its over ..
i also cant do anything about it le ..
sadded .. :(

Btw ..
Thanks BENNY ! ^^
for treating me lunch the other time ..
for treating me sandwich today in school ..
for tutoring me in the middle of the night yesterday below my block de coffeeshop ..
BUT ! im really SORRY that i disappointed you today !
hais !
you tutor me till so hard but in the end i made such a fucking freaking bloody stupid MISTAKE !
IM SORRY BENNY ! REALLY SORRY ! :(

Had a damn sucky day today !
DAMN MOODY ! :(

wanted to watch movie(red cliff) before going home at night de ..
but no company ..
so i went home early ..

had quite a short talk with baby when he called tonight
same as yesterday
he has been delayed
but he sound better to me ..
better than yesterday i guess
and im glad about it :)

i just want baby to be happy .. thats all i wish for ..
[ blinded by love ]

baby say he might book out early this week
which means rather than booking out on saturday morning ..
he MAYBE can book out tml night

im really happy to hear that from him
cause i cant wait to see him !
but ..
im having problem finding excuses for me to stay out again
to stay at his house pei him
hais ! sian ! :(

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-17T02:54:00.002+08:00

LITERALLY ..

ive been indirectly insulted by my LAN lecturer in class today ..
cause he was the one who debar me
he was like smiling to me say .. dont tell me you are going to use the same old reason to appeal and think that you can make it through this time ?
MOTHER FUCKER !
SHIT HIM LA !
WHO HE IS TO SAY STUFFS LIKE THIS TO ME !?
HE DONT EVEN KNOW AND UNDERSTAND MY FAMILY SITUATION !
FUCK !

i really felt hurtful
but didnt told anyone about it
was thinking that maybe can confide to baby when he calls tonight
and i might feel better but in the end .. I DIDNT TOLD HIM ABOUT IT

cause hes in a damn fucked up mood already
i dont wish to add on his burden
hais :(
so in the end i kept everything to myself and my blog
blogging = letting out my thoughts and feelings

today baby called at a damn late time
initially i thought he wouldnt call already
called his mum ask whether baby got call her, she say never
was damn worried about him
was damn afraid that sth might happen to him
but everyone was like .. dont worry so much la ! everything's gonna be fine !
i know ! but i just cant help worrying !
hais :(

then suddenly his call came and i was SOOO GLAD AND HAPPY
but baby doesnt sound alright
hes having a bad day inside today
thats why hes in a fucked up mood
and of course it deeply influenced me and here comes EMO
started feeling moody

whenever i console baby regarding army ..
he always says .. you say till very easy what ! you enjoying outside, i suffering inside !
hais !
but he never understands that when hes suffering inside, IM SUFFERING TOO !!
i dont even have the appetite to eat !
i find myself damn USELESS !
i blame myself for being USELESS !
CAUSE I CANT EVEN DO ANYTHING TO HELP MY BABY !
i felt so damn GUILTY la !! :(
"many times ive told you .. if i can go army for you, i would love to ! i really mean it ! i rather be the one suffering inside than you ! but the problem is I CANT ! im not MULAN !"
HAIS ! :(

Found all these photos inside my hp .. taken long time ago ..

baby with our beloved child POOH POOH ! ^^

EMO POOH POOH ! :(

we belong together ! x33

ME LOVE ! xD

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-16T02:39:00.006+08:00

Got debarment letter from school once again
hais !
sian ! :(
reason = i also dont know .. think cause low attendance ba .. but is the stupid mother fucking lecturer keep marking me absent when im just late ! its not like i didnt go ! dude ! =.=

This afternoon rushed down Taka Recruit Express for interview
they offered me a job working at Singapore Flyer (Ferris Wheel)
take photos de ..
$6 - $6.50 per hour
flexible working hours .. one week one day also can .. anything de
shift is 6pm to 10pm or 11pm
not bad right ?

but still got to go through the interview by the Singapore Flyer
they will then confirm whether they choose you anot
Pray to God they will choose ME ! :P

Went baby house after the interview
bought some food to his house eat
Tori-Q and TakoPachi = My Meal for the Day :)
had a short one hour nap
then started rushing my project report
and hell right ! i havent finish doing !
Gosh ! Die already !
2nd day late submission = 20% of marks deducted
*faint*

actually im mentally prepared that i will have to retain and repeat this stupid IHP module
FUCK ! :(

Today didnt talk with baby on phone for long
cause his army activities delayed
so eat into his free time
arghhh !

but i had a great short talk with him !
waiting for you back on saturday morning baby !
I LOVE YOU ! ^^

shuaige also got msg me ytd night and tonight
he at tekong for ns now ..
pray to god that he'll be alright !
was damn worried about him ! :(
but always all he will say to me is "YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF CAN LE .. SLEEP EARLY .. NO NEED WORRY ABOUT ME .. I'LL BE ALRIGHT"
=.=
the usual 'him' .. always keep stuffs from me preventing me from worrying

Pictures of Today ..

our child POOH POOH with baby's new billabong cap .. KAWAII ? :P

Pictures of Yesterday ..

blur sotong no. 1 !

blur sotong no. 2 !

RECOGNISED blur sotong no. 3 !! :P

blur sotong at east coast ..

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-15T01:57:00.008+08:00

BASICALLY ..

today ..
met Akira and AndrewKor at JE
went East Coast
cause Kor wanna check out his roller blade stuffs and his birthday chalet
which will be held on 16th august ..

then went mac there rush my project report
after that i went home and Akira going over Kor's house ..
im sad that i cant join them
CURFEW SUCK ! :(

GOSH !
my project report is due today at 12pm and i didnt submit in !
late submission one day = deduct 10% of marks !
FUCK !
reason for late : I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO !
SCHOOL SUCK ! :(

actually im mentally prepared that i will fail my IHP(In-House Project)
but since theres still a dim of hope, WHY NOT GIVE IT A TRY ?
am i right ?

i just cant make myself fail my LAN(Local Area Network)
cause ive failed once already
now repeating
if fail again = expel from school
SIBEI JIALAT ! :(

Got my blood test report ..
states NORMAL

Going for X-Ray at JE soon ..
for my injured left thumb
done by : Akira

Recently got involved with Monsoon Academy Hair Show
will be held on 1st August at Zouk
whoever free, drop by
Thanks ! :)
effort will be appreciated ..

Bad news = baby booking out on Saturday morning this week
instead of Friday night
SIAN-ZATION

Relationship wise ..
still can manage within my will
trying hard to pull it through with baby
YOU'RE THE REASON WHY IM HERE ^^

` Nerdy Akira

AhPek Kor :x

Interested in robbing Kor ? hehehe .. :P

Shoe Handphone really exist ? hahaha .. :D

This is the reason why SPCA exist ! :(

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-07T19:45:00.001+08:00

Last night got beaten by my bro
hais
several times on the right side of my face
sobs :'(

The reason why i got beaten ?
cause i didnt call home and inform him what time ill be back home

My reason ..
im too busy to bother so many stuffs
and they also cant be bothered to give me a call and ASK !
hais ! :(

Vent his anger on me only !
arghhh !

My Children, Joey and Baby Pooh ! Siblings ! Younger Sister and Elder Brother ! ^^

Pooh Pooh with Baby's army cap ! She's one overgrown fat daughter of mine ! :P

Baby Pooh with My Ice Skating Idol, JACKSON !!! :D

My new child, JOEY ! ^^ .. gift from baby .. MY PRECIOUS x33

My BeLOVEd Necklace ! ^^ .. gift from baby .. MY TREASURE x33

Baby's coming back earlier this week !
im so so SO HAPPY !!! :D
3more days to GOOO !
Thursday afternoon jiu can see him le !
Weee .. !! ^^

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-04T03:42:00.000+08:00

BORING !

STRANGLE ME WITH YOUR LOVE BABY ! ^^

I LOOK LIKE A RETARD !

LOVE ME FOREVER WILL YOU BABY ?

I CLOSE MY EYES FROM THIS CRUEL WORLD

I SMILE BECAUSE IM BEING LOVED BY HIM ! ^^

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-03T03:35:00.001+08:00

Dropped by clementi to godparents porridge stall eat today
then godbro send me over to their house
after so many times of rides on his car ..
today then i know all along im riding on a Mitsubishi Lancer !
Gosh !
how SOTONG can i be ??

and know what ?
I LOVE THAT CAR !
BEFORE i had a taste of it,i already liked it ..
AFTER i had a taste of it,i simple love it ! xD

Went up to their house
to visit my husband
long time never see him le ! :(
he's Mr XIAOBAI !! ^^

We just simply have the bonding between us !
even though we seldom see each other ..
once we met,we're like being together for years !! :D

Oh ya ..
today i bought quite alot stuffs from jp
wanna give baby surprises when he comes back this friday
cause we didnt manage to celebrate our 5th month
so yup
i really hope he will like those surprises i have for him ! ^^

i love you baby ! x33

` Waiting For You `

2008-07-02T03:01:00.002+08:00

The Loneliliest Anniversary I Ever Had ! :(

Throughout all my past relationships ..
ive never ever spent any anniversary alone

this is my very first time to experience it
and know what ??
IT SUCK !

I exactly have no mood to do anything
not even to feed myself
the feeling is like LIFE IS BORING ..
CAN SOMEONE KILL ME RATHER THAN LET ME SUFFER THIS KIND OF LONELINESS !?!
Gosh !
lied on baby's bed..felt like sleeping and never wake up again
hais :(

` i need you baby `

I PRAY TO GOD THAT BABY IS EXEMPTED FROM GOING TEKONG !!
I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT HAPPEN !!!
GOD PLEASE !
I REALLY CANT BEAR MY BABY TO GO THERE !
ITS TOO DANGEROUS ALREADY !!!!!!!!
sobs ! :'(

2008-07-01T15:12:00.001+08:00

Today's Our 5th Month Anniversary

and im CRYING! :'(

Gosh!

Whats wrong with me!?!

im not angry that baby cant celebrate with me

but im just damn upset after looking through his friendster profile

alot stuffs came into my mind

suddenly felt that his heart isnt fully with me

partially still with someone else

someone who he loved in the past

hais :(

afterall that person meant more to him

and i cant replace her place in his heart

` Heartbroken `
` Disappointed `

2008-07-01T03:25:00.001+08:00

Restless and Sleepless Nights....

cause of CRYING OVER HIM

cause of WORRYING HIM

cause of HIM not meaning whatever HE SAID

cause HE'S NOT A MAN OF HIS WORDS

Im falling sick
getting worse as each day passed..

DO I STILL HAVE THE MENTALITY AND WILL TO TOLERATE HIM ANY LONGER??

IM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING! :'(

2008-07-01T03:00:00.000+08:00

Suddenly..

ive got a feeling that we wont last

cause i dont know how much longer i can tolerate

Honestly..

i dont think i deserve this kind of treatment from you

at least alittle better than THIS

LOVE REALLY HURTS BIG TIMES

Sometimes i really dont know whether its better to be in love or NOT TO BE

I'll go CRAZY someday if EVERYTHING CONTINUES THIS WAY.....

2008-06-27T04:54:00.003+08:00

14th day without baby
26th June 2008

Today went town with andrewkor and akira
first to FarEastPlaza
kor bought one shirt and one bermuda from LuoZhiXiang's Shop, "Stage"
they arent cheap at all
lols
kor's rich so its okay
haha :P
then walked around to glance at tattoo shops
akira wanna put more "ART" on his body
lols
but all are much more expensive than his friend there
so yup..forget it :)

then we went QueenswayShoppingCentre
ate katonglaksa there
hmm..not as nice as other places :x
walked around and i bought two ape keychains
one for baby and one for me :D

finally we changed 3buses and came to chloe's condo slack
play pool and stuffs
and there is when baby called me and we quarrelled
i meant good for him but he doesnt understand
hais
scold me vulgarity and hang up call
he might feel nothing or not much but it hurts lots to me
hais
sobs :'(
indeed i cried real badly
but my heart hurts even more badly
hais
why? WHY!?
WHY MY BABY ALWAYS LIKE THAT TREAT ME!?!
im his gf leh..
ive never ever have any bf who treats me this way de lo
hais :(

Baby's coming back tml
so i really hope..
TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY

EMO RUMIKO coming back again! :( :( :(

Thats all for Day 14 WITHOUT HIM

2008-06-26T03:19:00.003+08:00

13th day without baby
25th June 2008

Today went to school for my LAN lessons from 2 to 4
then to je for ice skating
there's quite little hockey skaters came
like..andrewkor daniel jackson zhe joewe olly(yangsing) xiaofeng may(baby's sis) and her friend(qianhui) etc.....
i fell down several times
but the very last one is the most serious one
i sprain my knees!
Gosh!
then ive got a huge bruise on my left knee
and a mini one on my right knee
lols
but the big one is damn pain la! :(

after skating me andrewkor olly and may went over to 130 for dinner
i didnt eat cause unwell
then went over to baby's house alone to put my skates
when reached,may's already home along with willy(her bf) and baby's mum :)
had alittle chat with his mum regarding him
and stuffs..blah blah blah.......
rest awhile and i left for home already

so actually today's nothing much

Simply im just glad that baby called me quite early just now
and we managed to talk for quite some time
HAPPY HAPPY! :D

and also glad that may helped baby and me asked his mum
whether i can stay over at baby's house for that two nights he will be back at home
and know what??
may told me that his mum approved!! :D
and she seems doesnt really mind it at all
usually she will
thats why initially im afraid that she will disapprove

Back to my family
SUCKY FAMILY i should say
i have a damn stupid and lousy dad
he throw my stuffs where i placed them beside the toilet basin
when i asked him about it,he scolded me instead for anyhow putting stuffs around
so he saw already throw away
im like WTF!?!
i never misplaced it lo
he throw away my stuff is already his fault but instead he lectured me in return??
even mum also shakes her head lo
disappointed with her husband of course
now i have to go buy that stuff once again
FUCK!
mum was right when she say "JIA BU XIANG JIA"
which is a home which doesnt look like one

another one is bro
sibei siao one
recently damn jialat
especially just now,he mood swing damn worst
one moment im like watching tv with him laughing here and there
another moment when the show ends,he shouted at me
scold me over nothing
and even threatens to slap or hit me
im like WTF!?! AGAIN..
hais
how i wish i can live on my own
have my own privacy
and live my life a fulfilled one
BUT BRO IS OBSTRUCTING ME TO DO SO......
hais sobs :'(

"I need you baby
very much..!
my whole heart and mind..
mentally..
ALL FALLING APART!!
i really might just collapsed just like that anytime
and i really wish you will be by my side..
I LOVE YOU, KELVIN CHUA YIXIANG!!!" x3

Thats all for Day 13 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-25T03:00:00.001+08:00

12th day without baby
24th June 2008

Today went over to baby house
to tidy up his room before he's back on friday
i wanna let him be able to rest comfortably when back home
went over when may(his sis) is around
had alittle chat with her before starting my chores
did 2plus hours of chores nonstop
time really flies
and theres so much to clean
his table is damn damn dusty
gosh!
i clean till the pail of water totally black already
haiyo..
but i was real glad and satisfied after i have rearranged and clean everything :D
HOPE BABY WILL LIKE IT WHEN HE'S BACK! ^.^

After everything's done,i left his house with may
she going over je for piano lesson
and im going over rink to meet akira andrewkor and abz
we went kfc cause im hungry :(
then to arcade play afew rounds of initial d
after awhile,akira's bro and bro's gf came
akira and his bro went to play billiard and we all followed
slack here and there
just to wait for akira's hockey friendly matches to start at night

Hmm
i was glad that my idol jackson came today
saw him played in the matches and stuffs :)
but left before it ends cause im catching my last bus 98 home
and know what??
I MISSED IT! =.=
GOSH!
was damn upset la
cause i no money take cab home
hais :(
BUT..!
i was lucky to have this SBS driver helped me
he saw me miss my last bus at interchange
and when i walked out to the outside road,he passed by and offered me a free ride to lakeside mrt
as he was driving an empty and off-duty bus back to HQ
OMG!
I CANT BELIEVE THERES SUCH A NICE PERSON IN THIS WORLD!
cause its like illegal to do this
but he still helped me
and coincidently..MY MUM'S ALSO A SBS DRIVER!!!
Whahaha...!! :P
THANKS SO MUCH TO THAT DRIVER!!!!!!! :D

I was damn happy today to have talked with baby for quite long
he called at like 7plus PM man
usually he calls at around 9plus 10PM de
and just talked for like 10mins
but today we talked for more than 30mins if im not wrong
OMG!
if everyday also like that GOOD LE LO!!
lols! :P

But i was brought down with sadness by my bro when home
hais
as usual
HOME REALLY SUCK TO ME!
bro pick on me again
he keep bringing those past stuffs and mention and scold me all over again
hais
sian :(
scold scold scold
all he knows is scold me
but he still always say he loves me the most
BULLSHIT!
LOVE SHIT AH!!
LOVE MY ASS MAN!!!
FUCK HIM!!!!!!!
HE'S THE ONLY REASON WHY MY FAMILY'S FALLING APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lesser and lesser family members
one by one leaving..
hais sobs :'(

THERES 2 MORE DAYS TO GO MAN!
2 MORE!!
I NEED YOU BABY!!!
I REALLY NEED YOU ALOT NOW!
CAUSE I CANT TAKE MY FAMILY ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!
BABY FASTER COME BACK BA!
before i really concede defeat to death.........and say "byebye"..

Thats all for Day 12 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

After tidying his table..

2008-06-24T04:10:00.004+08:00

11th day without baby
23rd June 2008

Went out with only andrewkor today
he wanna get present for OLLY(yangsing)
so i pei him
we went town
i suggested PlazaSing
cause there got more choices for presents
but kor dont want so we head out to Cine first
to settle our stomach
ate pasta mania
it was my idea
but in the end everything suck
their service are damn slow la
mine very fast come,kor one damn long
but we were having the same order!
hmm.....
at the end of the day we both had stomach upset
we wonder whether isnt sth wrong with their pasta
hais :(

Walked around cine after meal
kor bought his new earphones from Apple shop
then i bought my new sling bag from a pushcart at first storey
i love that bag man! :D
and also my new alarm clock from More Than Words
damn cute!
but they gave me a default one :(
so im gonna go down to Lot 1's outlet to get it changed :)

then we went Heeren
cause didnt manage to find anything as present there
walked around
and still,no outcome

then to FarEastPlaza
initially want go tattoo shop find kor's friend de
but today he isnt around
so we walked around continue looking for present
i saw a very nice and affordable shawl there and bought it! :D
but in the end i didnt manage to buy present again :(

FINALLY...
i manage to persuade kor go PS see
and he AT LAST agreed
and know what??
he indeed bought present from there
lols!
somemore 2 of them!
haha!

kor ah kor!
see la!
never listen to me!
but kor was right about sth
if he hadnt mention going other places first,i also wont be able to get my stuffs bought
right??
haha
anyway THANKS KOR FOR EVERYTHING TODAY! :D

Just now was damn upset and angry with my dad
but i manage to tolerate it and didnt talk back him
cause it was like him requesting me to help him do stuffs
but in the end when i tried to make things clearer,he felt irritated and shown me attitude
im like wth!?
here whos the one who needs MY help man!
GOSH!
come to think of it
i really feel that outsiders treat me much much better than how my family treat me lo!
why why WHY!?!?!
hais
THAT IS WHAT I MEAN BY NO FAMILY LOVE!!! :'(

Hmm
didnt talk much with baby just now either
cause his hp battery is really running low
hais
sian :(
when baby told me he'll get part of his pay when he comes out this friday that hes gonna get his adidas jacket immediately
then i was like damn depressed and hurt
cause where am i placed in his heart!?
always always ALWAYS THERES ONLY HIM IN HIS MIND!
I DONT EXIST AT ALL!!
when i started complaining then he rmbs me
WTF!?!
like that he might as well stay single and leave me alone!
stop hurting me!
EVERYTIME HE NEVER THINKS OF ME!!
NOT AT ALL!
ALWAYS LIKE THAT!
I ALREADY CANT TOLERATE MY FAMILY NOT THINKING OF ME!!!
NOW MY BF ALSO LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY DO I HAVE THIS KIND OF BF!?!?!
WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all for Day 11 WITHOUT HIM

2008-06-23T02:22:00.002+08:00

9th and 10th day without baby
21st June 2008
22nd June 2008

Ytd blogger lag so didnt have the chance to blog about ytd
hmm
ytd went sentosa again with akira they all
this time a bigger group of us
and we did have lots of fun there :D

There's me wilson alicia andrewkor akira and his bro and bro's gf daniel daffy joyce and last but not least chloe
akira brought his volleyball and i brought mine
got mine from laogong's house
damn tiring intially
cause it was like me rushing over to her house and retrieve the ball
then rush down harbourfront by mrt
to prevent akira saying me always late
it hurts cause no one understands the reason why
i also dont want it to de
im sorry everybody :(
but in the end i reached earlier than them
lols!
daniel reached long ago
went vivo look for him
bought coffeebean and the rest reached

whatever we did in sentosa
i guess anyone should know
as usual those stuffs
volleyball soccer and mostly water polo
had lots of fun :D
we also manage to see ndp's rehearsal planes pass by
making patterns and stuff
damn beautiful la ^.^

Time really flies
play and play
bath and prepare
already night 8plus le
went over to akira's friend there eat zu cao
had both my favourites STINGRAY and KANGKONG!!!
YUMMY! :D

then we all took bus home
i took 176 with andrewkor and chloe
then at batok changed to 187 back home
tiring but fun day :D

Talking to baby on the phone is the only thing that will really cheer me up every single day
awaiting for his call every night without fail as usual
even though im having fun
it was never been that fun without him
playing at sentosa always reminds me of us going the previous few times
ever since those times,going sentosa without him makes me felt lonely and depressed :(
i keep thinking how i wish when i close my eyes and open again,he will appear infront of me
which is damn damn DAMN IMPOSSIBLE
hais :(

talked to him a short while ytd night
but its a sweet one
so yup
only his voice can cheer me up :D
I MISS YOU BABY
I REALLY DO
VERY MUCH!!! :'(

As for today nothing much
trapped at home by my bro again :(
only manage to go out during evening
with mum to jp
buy some undergarments necessities and stuffs
spent around 100plus to 200
lols :x
cannot blame
BRAS ARE EXPENSIVE! :P

then bought dinner home for my that fucking bro
hais
this afternoon i wipe the floor
he complain this and that
scold me here and there
say i do thing inefficient
scold me idiot and stuffs
im really trying damn hard to surpress my feelings and anger
cause i really did nothing wrong this time
he just keep picking on me recently
for weeks already
hais
i can really feel the demon in me coming out while he's scolding me
im really afraid ill have mental illness someday
like depression same as him
or worst still spilt personality
i can feel it coming
i really do
hais
sobs :'(
LIFE IN THIS FUCKING FAMILY HAS NEVER BEEN GOOD TO ME AT ALL
honestly..I RATHER DIE THAN LIVING IN THIS FAMILY WITH MY BRO
BUT IF NOT FOR MY MUM AND OTHER BROS,I WOULD HAVE VANISHED IN THIS WORLD

Just now baby called me again
same thing
IM HAPPY! REALLY HAPPY! :D
his voice touches my heart
his words touches my soul
I LOVE YOU BABY! x3

Thats all for Day 9 and 10 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-21T04:02:00.002+08:00

8th day without baby
20th June 2008

Went skating again today
nothing much
just damn emo
skate halfway sit at one corner
damn bored jiu go take my ipod and cleo magazine out
sat there listen music and started crying

from that very moment i started feeling damn lonely
and this is what i hate throughout my life
BEING ALONE
FEELING LONELY
I HATE THEM!!! :(

Eventually i broke down in the rink
hais
i couldnt control my tears
im sorry
but still THANKS EVERYONE!
WHOEVER CONSOLED ME and BE THERE FOR ME!! :D
especially my korkor andrew
THANKS SO MUCH! FOR EVERYTHING!!!
SO FAR!
im really touched and appreciated :D

and also THANKS YEEMENG!
FOR YOUR LOVELY ADIDAS JACKET!!!
which i love it very much and hoping for one myself
lols :P
anyway Thanks for saving me from the cold! :D

Stayed back with andrewkor akira and rest after skating
akira they all had ice hockey training
didnt get to watch my idol jackson play hockey today
dont know why
he didnt come
hais
nvm :)

Thanks to chloe abz joewe akira and shawn for cheering me up consoling and lending me your listening ears when im depressed :)
THANKS LOTS EVERYONE! ^.^

Oh ya
today my didi max drop by rink
although hes not here to see me
but still im glad to see him today
"didi..you better not have any silly thought hor..what dont have one didi nvm still can find new one..you want jie whack your head ma?? in jie's life..only have two didis..one of them of course is YOU! so you better not leave jie alone alright?? jie needs you de :) and for sure I DONT WISH ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO MY DIDIS! and I WILL TRY MY VERY BEST TO PROTECT THEM WITH ALL MY MIGHT!!! UNDERSTAND DIDI!?!?! ARGHHH! :( YOU'RE THE DIDI THAT JIE ONLY WANTS! NO ONE CAN REPLACE YOU UNDERSTAND!?! hais..sobs.. :'("

Thats all for Day 8 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-20T03:12:00.003+08:00

7th day without baby
19th June 2008

Today went over to andrewkor condo slack from afternoon to night
akira and his friend(daffy),his bro(kaname) and gf(xueting),wilson,chloe,joyce were there too
brought my lappy there to use
didnt do much today either
kinda bored and dreadful

For the entire day im waiting and waiting
just for his call at night
always looking forward to every single day as usual
every night shedding tears as usual cause of my misses towards him
hais
but tonight's call was kinda short
cause he has got alot stuffs to do
so our call was shortened
hais
sian

Tonight's moon damn beautiful
if im not wrong its full moon today
baby was telling me its very beautiful
and i previously i saw it too
its like we are looking at the same moon
and i can feel our hearts connected together
the feelings like..SO NEAR YET SO FAR
hais :(

Now then i know how hard it is to wait for someone you love to come back
hais
i really dont know how much longer i can take
not that i will leave him for other guy
just that i miss him like crazy
and i might really go insane!
hais
i also have to tolerate being single and lonely for so long
its like months and years man!
everyone understands my pain and hardship
but only YOU DONT!
everyone's like encouraging me
telling me that i can make it
ask me to be strong
but frankly speaking..i rather DIE!
cause ZHEN DE BU HAO SHOU!!!
hais
sobs :'(

Akira was asking today that i dont miss baby ah
i wont sad meh
I AM!!! :(
honestly im damn depressed
but i chose not to express it out
cause i wanna stay cheerful and move on with my life
so that time goes faster for me
and ill get to see my baby soon! :D
i usually keeps my feelings inside
and express it all out when im alone
especially before i go to bed
every night i cry without fail
hais :(

Took bus home with wilson
on the way home i saw lawrence
so qiao
lols
STUPID LAW!
YOU BETTER TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF HOR!!!
if not you're gonna get it from me!
humph! :P

Thats all for Day 7 WITHOUT HIM
ONE MORE WEEK TO GOOOOO!!!!!!!

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-19T03:05:00.003+08:00

5th and 6th day without baby
17th June 2008
18th June 2008

I spent my 5th day sleeping and resting at home during the day
cause i pei bro till 7am in the morning then sleep
hais :(
had damn serious headache
evening 5plus then leave home to meet akira and andrewkor at orchard
then took cab to SGH A&E
akira did tooth operation at his army camp previously
but it wasnt successful
so lots and lots of blood came out
damn damn scary
you wont believe how much blood he had puke out
till his face was pale and he almost fainted due to excessive loss of blood
was damn damn worried about him you know??
so i tried my best to take care of him while waiting for him to be attended
hais :(

Morale Of The Story: DO NOT DO ANY OPERATION OR SURGERY IN ARMY CAMPS :x

After everything's alright,we had dinner at SGH Kopitiam
then head off to MOS
to summarise everything
last night is the worst clubbing i ever had
WASTE MONEY
WASTE TIME
DAMN BORING :(

Left MOS at around 2plus
ate nasi lemak
bought snacks and alcohols at 7eleven
and cab off to andrewkor's condo slack
suan bian visit vanessajie
cause both live in Hillview Green condo
shuana came down awhile too :)

slack here and there by the pool
then fell asleep there
in the morning andrewkor ask us to go over his house continue sleeping
since nobody's home already

Here comes the 6th day
woke up at around 1plus afternoon
rush home bath and change
then bro woke up
scold me over minor stuff again
then drag my time
want my company and stuff
in the end i left home at around 5
hais :(

skate till night 9plus
then we went over to 130 eat dinner
took quite alot photos today
hmm
even though damn tired
but still i manage to enjoy myself ice skating
especially with andrewkor,yangsing,chloe and joyce! :D
i no longer felt alone cause with them around
THANKS EVERYONE! ^.^

Oh ya
quarrelled with LJ(lijie) at rink today
FUCK HIM MAN!
IMMATURE FREAK!
ACT ONE ONLY!
shout at me like want fight like that
but walk away like a small rat
HUMJI KIA!
YOU WANT JIU COME!
WUJI LAI!
FUCKER!
i guess what they all say is really right
he always F&T de
lols! FUCK & THROW!!! :x
he's lucky that i didnt really rage my anger out
if not he's gonna be real dead
especially when baby's in camp now and which im damn upset and moody
during this period,whoever provokes me is just courting death only
ARGHHH!

Thats all for Days 5 and 6 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-17T02:54:00.003+08:00

4th day without baby
16th June 2008

Today suppose to report school
but my migraine is killing me so i skipped it
hais :(

Afternoon went to SGH visit baby's grandma again
this time with may(baby's sis) and willy(her bf)
this trip's kinda funny
cause willy keeps playing around with grandma
and she keeps laughing too :D
im glad to see grandma is smiling
and she seems much better than before
nurse say her blood pressure and stuffs are all okay
only that her cough havent recover yet
so i guess should be discharging soon ba
hope "MAMA" recover soon!!
AJA AJA FIGHTING! :D

After that went vivo meet up with akira,andrewkor,maggie,wilson,alicia and daniel
may and willy went separate ways from me
we all ate subway
then wilson send alicia off already,we set off to sentosa
had some fun at palawan beach during the day
then during the night,akira shares his relationship troubles with me by the beach
felt really sorry for him
to have that kind of ex-gf
hais
but life still goes on
so whats the point of keep looking back??
wasting your time only
time is precious! :)

Bought new shades from the store at palawan
19.90bucks
still acceptable
and i like it so I BOUGHT IT! :D

Today im quite happy
cause i got to talk to baby for quite a long time
he called early
but i cried on the phone
hais
couldnt control my tears
i have been crying for nights
sleepless and tearful nights i have ever since he went in
hais
sobs :'(
I REALLY MISS MY BABY!
and I REALLY LOVE HIM VERY VERY MUCH!!! x3

Hmm
dont think ill be blogging tonight
cause wont be coming home
the usual people today jio me to club tml night
MOS
its an underage party
which i dont really like
cause all small kids and its damn squeezy
cant even dance and walk about
but they keep persuading me to go and they need people
so i agreed
anyway i havent been clubbing for going half a year already
lols :x

I guess thats all for Day 4 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-16T01:22:00.001+08:00

3rd day without baby
15th June 2008

Today i very guai
never go out at all
stayed home throughout
actually is my bro dont let me out
lols :x

Quite afew people suddenly ask me out today
xiaoben,cindy(my mei) etc..
i was shock
cause its like a call after another
but sorry everyone!
i cant go out today
not i dont wanna pei you all
SORRY
hais :(

Baby's mum also called me today too
to ask about baby
she's worried about him
but also concern about me too
cause she knows i worry till cant sleep at night
we did chat quite awhile
haha
funny ya?
me and his mum are like getting in good terms better and better :D

Today kinda suay
whole day kena scolded by my bro several times over damn minor stuffs
hais
sian :(
but coincidently today baby also started first time kena scolded by his officers le
lols
so qiao although it isnt good to hear about it :P

Whole day suffer from migraine
but got to endure the pain and pei my bro all the way
when i went to rest awhile,my bro scolded me for not doing the chores instead of wasting time resting
WTF!?
hais
i damn fucking wanna leave this family man!!
i not feeling well he fuck care
fuck him la!
hais :(

Once i wake up in the morning today,all i await is baby's call
thats all im looking forward to throughout the entire day at home
all i can think of is HIM!
hais :(

SOBS SOBS SOBS :'(

BTW ANYONE GOT PART TIME JOBS INTRO???

Thats all for Day 3 WITHOUT HIM

` Waiting For You `

2008-06-15T04:06:00.001+08:00

2nd day without baby
14th June 2008

Nothing much today
stayed home slack here and there till 5pm then go out
initially going skate again with akira,andrew(baby's friends) they all de
but in the end i too tired and evening got sth on so not going le

Evening met baby's mum and sis 6pm at outram
went to SGH visit baby's paternal grandmother
she was admitted to the hospital few days back
i had talked to her
help her massage her hand
hold onto her hand
thats all
she seems quite alright :)

Then we left for dinner at chinatown
as usual..on his mum's treat
after that went OG shop
saw a wallet quite nice and is damn cheap
his sis also saw a wallet that she wants
so yup
we both bought them
but instead of us paying..his mum did
she offered to
THANKS AUNTIE! :D

Back at batok
they went home
i went to buy my magazine
then meet nic(my buddy) to slack and chat awhile

Tml is nic's national taekwondo competition
im sorry that i wont be able to go down and support you
cause my bro dont let me out tml
but still..you know you have my moral support right??

JIAYOU WOR!
GAMBATE! :D
NEVER WIN DONT COME BACK! :x

Oh ya
today i went to buy a portable charger for baby
AA batteries operated de
so in case his officers dont let him charge his hp,he can use AA batteries to charge his hp :D

Thats all for Day 2 WITHOUT HIM

` WAITING FOR YOU `

2008-06-13T04:43:00.001+08:00

In case my baby doesnt believe me and think that im together with other guy while he's inside and leave him
im gonna blog about my every single day without him
starting from today
13th June 2008

I just sent him in this morning
really cant bear to see him leave
wanted to cry but i just cant cry out
dont know why
hais =(

Went home and took a shower
slack here and there lie on my bed alone nothing to do
then i started anyhow think le
think of dying
cutting myself to death..jumping off a building to death..smoke to death
lols
all those thoughts all come into my mind all at once
so i decided to go rink and ice skate with his friends
at least i may be able to feel alittle of his presence there :D

And indeed i felt alittle better when im outside
skate from afternoon to night
then stayed back to see his friends train for ice hockey
damn cool man
and of course my idol JACKSON is playing too!
hehe :P
he's like so damn fast la
then his actions all very nice de
very smooth
see him play can make my eyes wide open
lols :D

Then i started playing around le
borrowed their ice hockey stick and played outside the rink
kinda fun
haha
just that i keep hurting my toes =(

Btw know what??
i anyhow take one ice hockey stick also happens to be my idol's one!!
omg!
lols! :D

In the end i reached home at around 1am
lols
share cab with wilson(baby's friend)

Although im damn damn tired and sleepy
but still i couldnt sleep!
hais
i cant stop thinking of baby!! =(
I MISS HIM!
I MISS MY BABY!!!

THIS IS MY MOOD FOR THE ENTIRE DAY =(

ICE HOCKEY!!! MY IDOL'S ICE HOCKEY STICK! :D

Thats all for DAY 1 WITHOUT HIM

` WAITING FOR YOU `

2008-06-12T03:11:00.004+08:00

Its exactly 406AM right now
its around 28 hours to baby's enlistement
couldnt sleep again tonight
hais
sadded =(

Today went ice skating for the last time with baby before he books in
but halfway through i had serious migraine and its really killing me!
ate panadol also no use nia
omg
up till now its still killing me
for the entire day le nia
hais
now i know why i will migraine till like that le
cause i recently keep didnt catch enough sleep and rest
hais
but i just cant help it
I CANT!!
hais =(

After that we went clementi eat Botak Jones
YUMMY!
i finished everything man!
Gosh!
for the first time nia
i used to left-over alot de
hmm
think cause im upset ba
cause when im upset,i tend to eat
EAT EAT EAT
non-stop.
hais =(

We all damn bo liao
after dinner went lakeside park there walk walk and have fun
then went to my block downstairs de coffeeshop get a drink and rest
in the end im home

Hmm
baby want me to stay over at his house tml night to pei him before he books in
but the problem is not that i dont want
is i not sure whether his parents will approve anot
especially when his dad is temporary back in singapore right now
hais =(

STUPID AKIRA!!
YOU BETTER SHUT YOUR BLOODY SMELLY MOUTH HOR!!!
ARGHHH!
STOP CURSING ME AND KEL!
Keep saying after baby book in,i will not wait for him and go for other guys
SIAO~!
Me and baby dont know go through how many freaking stuffs nia
and I LOVE HIM!
Thats what matters most!
SO FOR GOODNESS SAKE........I OF COURSE WONT LEAVE MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-11T04:52:00.001+08:00

Last friday 060608
baby's friends and i organised a so call farewell party for baby before he goes ns
we all celebrated in cineleisure kbox 8
singing from friday night 11+pm to saturday morning 6am
SHIOK! :D

`People who are present::baby me andrew eddie sapphire wilson alicia weixiang daniel joyce

Some PHOTOS taken on that particular special night..

I also made a farewell card for baby
it includes all the wishes from his friends and family and ME! :D
I REALLY HOPE BABY WILL SINCERELY LIKE IT!!!

2008-06-11T03:59:00.004+08:00

2 more days to baby's ns enlistment
hais
couldnt sleep
i just cant imagine my days without him
or rather weeks
worst still,cant even contact him either
hais =(
what im gonna do man??
FUCK NS LA!
ARGHHH!

And of course im going with his family for the enlistment ceremony
its like so early in the morning!!
OMG!
i dont think im gonna sleep on the night before either
couldnt sleep
hais =(

I really hope baby can make it through safely and smoothly
All The BEST to HIM!
May GOD please BLESS HIM!!!

Today had quite a good day with baby
day time slack at his house
evening time his dad just came back from thailand
then we all including his sis went to westmall swensens for dinner
YUMMY! :D
first time tried crayfish spaghetti
nice is nice but its like 3% of meat..97% of shells
lols
nothing much also
haha :P
BEST part of dinner -->>CHOCOLATE CRUNCH ICE CREAM!!!
YUM YUM!
ALL is on his dad's treat
and know what??
its $110+ in TOTAL!!
OMG!
know liao make me damn pai sei la
didnt expect that we ate so much and so ex
lols

After dinner baby and i went arcade play initial d version 4 awhile
westmall arcade has changed from E-ZONE to TIMEZONE =.=
but it seems better now
more new game machines
not as boring as before
then went for our movie,KUNGFU PANDA
its so nice of his dad to treat us for the show :D
even though he isnt watching
NICE SHOW INDEED!!!
make me laugh non-stop
no regrets of watching it
FRIENDS OF MINE BETTER GO CATCH IT BEFORE ITS GONE!
YOU WONT REGRET EITHER!! :D

Then went back to baby's house watch dvd with his family
AHLONG PTE LTD
kinda stupid show but still kinda funny either
watched it in the cinema before
watching it again

Ytd passed by westmall comics connection and saw this damn damn DAMN CUTE de BABY POOH
KAWAII!!! :D
immediately i went in and asked for the price
and yup
i bought it
cost me $9.90
not too bad
i find it worthwhile
love it so much!
hehe.. :P

Saw all these POOHs at westmall arcade
hard to catch nia
almost near to impossible
but i love it alot alot!
i really wish for it!
omg!
i wanna who can help me grab it??
hais =(

Here are 2 photos of baby with his long hair which his dad wants me to take
before he goes botak on thursday
lols! :P

COUNTING DOWN TO LOSING BABY!!!
*^*53hours*^*
hais!
sobs! ='(

2008-06-09T15:34:00.001+08:00

LIFE IS FULL OF REGRETS!!!

2008-06-02T03:04:00.001+08:00

Today's me and baby de 4th month anniversary
and indeed its a bad one

Baby say will bring me go sit Ferris Wheel on our 4th month
but in the end i guess he forgot
was thinking nvm
cause maybe also can spend private time with baby at home
ill still be content
but in the end his friend, wilson was at his house already =.=
and yup
indeed i dont like my 4th month
hais =(

Reach his house i already face damn black
he didnt care much
cause he thought i was throwing tantrum out of nowhere
but actually he forgot that today's our 4th month
so he thought this way
hais
his friend around,i also dont know what to say
cant possibly ask me chase him out right?
hais
like that baby will have no face de
so i endure lo
hais
and this is exactly how i spend my 4th month with baby
slack at home
eat cup noodles
watch tv
sleep
dinner at market
thats all

But frankly speaking,i was glad that wilson left at early night
then i have my remaining time alone with baby
alone time with baby is my favourite time :D

Baby..
please dont think or worry so much
i wont go with other guys when you're in ns de la
my heart and soul will always be with you de
no worries ya?
i love you more than anyone
i always do
I LOVE YOU
WO AI NI :D

Just now reach home saw bianbian hanging on the balcony window
then realise that mummy actually helped me washed her already
but she was like naked on the window
so damn funny la
first time see her naked lo
so kawaii! haha! :P

Mummy and daddy went malaysia this morning and will be coming back tml night
which means......
I CAN HAVE THE WHOLE BIG BED FOR MYSELF!!!!
Whahaha.....!! :P
then on the aircon
Woooo....! Lols!
will be damn shiok la!
haha!
hao le la!
i go enjoy my sleep and meet my baby in lalaland le!

``Sayonara! :D

2008-05-30T03:55:00.000+08:00

I REALLY CANT STAND YOU AND YOUR BIG MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!

HAIS! =(

SOBS!!! ='(

2008-05-30T03:22:00.000+08:00

HAIS!
Today is the WORST and SHOCKEST day of my life!!! ='(

But I know that I have to forgive him
Cause I Love Him

I have to forgive him for whatever things he did to me
Cause I Love Him

I cant blame him much
Because the reason why he did so is..
Cause He Loves Me

Hais
im really in a dilemma
isnt really true that LOVE CAN OVERPOWER EVERYTHING??
hais
can someone please give me an answer!?!? =(

2008-05-28T03:04:00.000+08:00

Today nothing much
stayed at baby's house slack for the whole day
cause we need to save money for tml
to ice skate

Just now suddenly found out that baby msg some particular girl sth that he shouldnt msg
to him is small matter but to me it matters alot
cause i cant stand my bf msg other girls this kind of thing
baby did admit that is his wrong and apologised
i really wanna forgive him de
but i just cant
cause it hurts alot to me
i really dont know what to do now
am i not good enough for him??
or????
ask him why he will msg that kind of thing to HER,he also dont have any explanation
how to forgive him like that?
when i dont wanna forgive him,he got fed up and angry with me =.=
what is this??
hais
i cried several times from just now up till now
im still crying
hais sobs ='(

Although i let baby off for this matter
but i will never ever forget it
and the pain will always be there in my heart forever =(

Tml got LAN lessons from 1pm to 4pm
then going je join baby and his friends for skating
so hope tml will be a better day

There isnt much time left le
i wanna treasure every moment i have with baby from now
counting down to baby's FUCKING NS

`16 days to go

2008-05-27T02:59:00.000+08:00

Today and yesterday is the happiest day with baby ^.^

Yesterday although im restricted at home by my bro,cant go out but baby still try to keep me company
we chatted on msn for hours and played around with webcam
so damn funny la
haha
baby's so sweet so funny SO CUTE!!! =P

As for today
after lesson end at 1,i went to baby house slack and rest awhile and we set off to chinatown
to Monsoon Academy for my hair model thingy
jasmine(my poly friend)'s hair stylist need hair models and im one of them =)
met Kevin(her hair stylist) to check out my hair condition and everything's settled fast

then went Si Ma Lu GuanYing Temple pray with baby
bought 2 packets of flowers to bring home and bathe with it
cause few days back sth serious happened at home
hais =(
and OMG
i pray for my family,for baby,and etc but forgot about myself
=.=

hmm
after that went bugis junction de yoshinoya eat spicy beef
OISHI! ^.^
then walk walk around while waiting for weixiang(baby's friend) to off work
weixiang's working at Burlington Square
and yup enjoy walking around with baby
bought ice cream korean snacks together and etc
slack at BS de Burger King
ate onion rings
wooo! yummy! =P
and we keep chatting and laughing all the way
those are the best moments i had with baby so far =D
even though today we did quarrelled afew times but we recover them quick
so i really did enjoyed myself today with baby
LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! =X
HOW I WISH WE CAN BE LIKE TODAY FOR EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hais

Baby going ns on 13th june
its like around 2weeks more
as the day comes nearer and nearer,i get more and more depressed and worried
depressed cause im gonna miss him so much
few weeks cant see him nia
hais sobs ='(
worried cause im afraid he cant take good care of yourself inside
worried that he cant take it and give up
worried that sth will happen to him
etc etc etc......
hais
he ah
everytime dont know how to takecare de
hais =(
GOD PLEASE WATCH OVER HIM ON MY BEHALF!!!

2008-05-21T01:33:00.004+08:00

说说你为什么为什么要走

说你为何要分手

别拖求你别软弱

求你说出口分手的理由

但你却拖拖拖拖到什么时候

如果要走却又为何停留

请你别拖拖拖大声的说出口

请你要痛就痛给我个快活

如果说你要走我不会留

我不去管以后

然后我们说清楚一句话就够

如果说你要走我不会留

我不去管以后

多么痛多么的难过

别越爱越难过

Do Do Re Re Mi Mi Re Do
Do Do Re Mi Do

This song on my blog now digs out all my pain in my heart
both past pain and present pain
pain from charcoal
pain from baby
hais
sobs ='(

I first heard this song from qinquan's hp today
when i start to listen this song,i knew i wanted it
cause it sings the pain in my heart all these while
once i first hear this song,my facial expression changed
my heart sank and i felt as depressed as i am in the past
i told qq that this song makes me sad and reminds me of someone
he described that person out and mentioned his name
and he was right
is that so obvious??
weird
hais
anyway its charcoal
he was the one who gave me a hurtful past and painful memories
many people say our story can go play as drama already
hais
its true
too many things happened between us
lots of misunderstandings,quarrels,bickerings etc etc
but there is care and concern at the same time too
up till now,all these years,i still dont know what hes thinking and what he wants
no one knows actually
not even his closest friend
hais =(

Then just now being played by baby till i cry
hais
he said lots of hurtful stuffs and he sounds serious on the phone
i couldnt take it so hang up and cried
after that msg him some stuffs then he told me hes just playing around with me
what is this??
my love for him is just a game a joke or what???
hais
and yup
that particular song matches how i feel now either

I'm so EMO-ING with this song!!! =( =( =(

2008-04-23T12:15:00.001+08:00

Sprain my left thumb 2days ago
when playing basketball
swollen like hell man
like an egg like that
my thumb also cant move much
damn serious
hais =(

so i went to 1head there de sinsei see doctor ytd
now my left hand wrap like pig hand like that
lols
and the chinese medicine is damn smelly
i also cant bath and eat properly
arghhh
got to wrap for 2days
sian lo

Didnt go to school for the past 2days
lols
monday went gym and swimming in the morning with baby and his friend(weixiang)
till afternoon then go jp eat long john
played awhile of initial d while waiting for baby's friend(mango) to come
then pei mango go je de cpf building settle some stuffs
at night went to play basketball
but suay suay the weather suck
keep raining
we decided to go over shelter court and play and got ourselves totally drenched
gosh
and that is where i sprain my left thumb -.-

ytd didnt go school cause my injured thumb is killing me
the pain is indescribable
pain till i almost cant sleep at night =(

Hope will recover soon
i wanna play basketball!! =X

2008-04-20T15:41:00.004+08:00

Pon school on friday
cause slept only in the morning
for some certain reason
then cant wake up
noon woke up go baby house
then evening go jurongeast for ngee ann ice skating session
after skating and dinner we slack around batok till late night
cause i staying over baby house then we both dont feel like going back early =P

Ytd noon i rush back home bath change met baby at westmall eat kfc
then back to baby house again
spend my day doing my project there
then at night went westmall for dinner with his mum and sis
suddenly his mum mentioning of going his grandparents house awhile
and ask me along
i was shock
it was like so sudden
but everything went out kinda well
his grandpa damn tall nia
i first time see such a tall elderly la
lols
stunned
he's also very friendly too =D

Today damn sian so came here blog
all thanks to my fucking eldest bro
that im stoning and boring at home now
arghhh
hais
nothing to do

baby and akira yongxing weixiang geraldine and chengyang now at timah playing pool
i wanna go so much nia
but cant
im locked at home
hais =(
dulan lo
ytd afternoon initially going cine play pool with baby chengyang and geraldine
but baby last minute do stunt dont wanna go then i missed my chance of playing le
hais
missed playing pool so much nia =(

Btw ive stopped work already
cause i cant cope
my in house project is really killing me and my time too much
ive got not much energy and time left to work le
so no choice
got to stop
hais
sian
no money again
no work = no money =(

Oh ya
friday 18th april was my second bro birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KORKOR!!! =D
hope all your wishes come true!
hehe =P

this coming monday 21st april is my eldest bro birthday
i bought him a Gillette Fusion Phamton Power shaver for him as his present
cause i know he wants it very much
and indeed he likes it very much
last year i bought him the previous version

2008-04-17T01:20:00.001+08:00

The chest x-ray and blow test went kinda well today
doctor say my blow test seems alright and the same goes to my lungs
so im kinda relieved and glad =)

But the happiest thing about today is that no need go school
then can spend my whole day with baby
hehe =P
thank him so much for his company today
really
love him so much =D

Sian
tml early morning 9am need report school again le
everyday like that sian nia
got lots of stuffs to do somemore
meeting my supervisor on friday afternoon to show her my progress
so got to at least make up sth
hais
sian =(

trying to leave school as early as possible tml
cause baby's mum ask me go settle some stuffs along with baby
after that going work again
gonna be shag once again
today i shag till anywhere also feel like sleeping nia
damn damn DAMN TIRED!
my eyes are closing like ANYTIME!
hais
i wonder how much longer can i cope like this =(

RUMIKO JIAYOU! RUMIKO JIAYOU! RUMIKO JIAYOU! =D

2008-04-15T13:44:00.001+08:00

Im back once again
havent been blogging for the past few days
cause busy?
or rather tired
hais =(
now everyday to me is sian
except when i was with baby =D

Ytd started school le
got my own desk and drawer
started on my in-house project
but more sian is i got to repeat my LAN(LocalAreaNetwork) module
which i failed during my first semester in second year
no wonder i cant go for attachment
stay in school do this mother fucking in-house project with no pay given
arghhh
hais =(

Now i also in school nothing to do
so came here to blog
kill time
ive done my work due this week le
next week de i wanna start doing now but dont know how to do
hais
sian

Ytd i left school early to look for baby
not long later jiu report for work le
sian
but after work baby came to fetch me
was glad to see him
i had always been sleepy wherever i go throughout my day
but only when with baby he energizes me
"i love you baby" ^.^

had an extra subway sandwich from work last night so made that for baby too
had our sandwiches at some stupid corner
lols
then i took my last 187 bus home
dragging myself like a dead body home
too shag le
this morning overslept
suppose to have some stupid lessons but i slept through them
lols
die liao la

Oh ya
forgot to mention about last saturday
joseph they all organise a birthday bbq for our group's April babies
baby and i went down together
played basketball too
sweat like hell
anyway Happy Birthday XIAOBEN,JOSEPH and JIAHAO!!! =D
hope im not that late to wish afterall
hehe =P

Taking leave from school whole day tml
cause afternoon need go NUH for my Respiratory appointment
for my asthma
this time is to go for chest x-ray and blow test
and also my second doctor consultation appointment
hope everything will go well

ONE GOOD NEWS TO ANNOUNCE!
that is.......
I QUITTED SMOKING LE!!!
whahaha.......
promised ahmei and baby i wont smoke anymore le
since pri 1 up till now,ive never ever broke any promises i made with ahmei
so neither will this too =)

2008-04-10T02:06:00.007+08:00

Recently alot stuffs had happened so dont really feel like blogging about all of them
Had been damn emotional nowadays
cried several times continuously for a number of days
then bought penknife from je pasa malam and cut my wrist again
hais
sobs='(
i wonder whats wrong with me

Lots of stuffs to stress over
stress over relationship stuffs
stress over family stuffs
stress over studies stuffs
stress over part-time work stuffs
etc etc etc

School is reopening this coming monday
and im afraid i cant cope with all of them
fearful
every monday to friday 9am to 5pm in school
then on monday tuesday and thursday ill be working after school from 6pm to closing
which will finish at around 11plus 12 at night
hais
sian
but no money more sian =(
got to cope with my hp bill
credit card bill
home broadband internet bill
returning my eldest bro money which he had fined me for making mistakes at home-.-

Im so sick and tired of everything man!
and i mean EVERYTHING!='(

Today browse through baby's wallet and found his ex's photo inside
he told me that he forgot to get it out
i believe him
i really do
but the moment i found that photo
it just hurts
so hurtful that i felt a sudden stab at my heart
it even hurts up till now
i just couldnt sleep
that incident cant get off my mind
crying now to ease my heartpain but to no avail
hais
sobs='(
he doesnt put my photo inside his wallet but instead i found his ex one
im like wth?!
hais
damn disappointed
but i know its not his fault
guess he really did forgot about it
but the problem is how can he forget such a thing?
i mean ITS YOUR EX GF'S PHOTO INSIDE YOUR WALLET!!!='(
i also did used to keep charcoal's photo inside my wallet
but i took it out the next day when i was with baby
it was like 2months plus ago
but baby havent took out his after we being together for 2months plus!!
im like wtf?!
although i chose to believe him but still my heart was shaken
as in i have doubts over baby loving me and giving me ALL his heart
am i sharing his heart with somebody else which i have no idea about it??
hais
sobs='(

you tell me , you're in love with me
like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
it's not that i don't want to stay
but everytime you come too close i move away
i wanna believe in everything that you say
'cause it sounds so good
but if you really want me , move slow
there's things about me , you just have to know

sometimes i run
sometimes i hide
sometimes i'm scared of you
but all i really want is to hold you tight
treat you right
be with you day and night
baby , all i need is time

i don't wanna be so shy
everytime that i'm alone , i wonder why
hope that you will wait for me
you'll see that you're the only one for me
i wanna believe in everything that you say
'cause it sounds so good
but if you really want me , move slow
there's things about me , you just have to know

sometimes i run
sometimes i hide
sometimes i'm scared of you
but all i really want is to hold you tight
treat you right
be with you day and night
baby , all i need is time

come , just hang around and you'll see
there's nowhere i'd rather be
if you love me , trust in me
the way that i trust in you

sometimes i run
sometimes i hide
sometimes i'm scared of you
but all i really want is to hold you tight
treat you right
be with you day and night
baby , all i need is time
......................

to baby : ` no matter what happens,ill always love you baby

Oh ya
forgot to mention
today went skating again
and im really glad to see my closest and best buddy wenloong there=D
havent seen him for quite some time
but sadded that when i reached hes leaving already
hais
sian=(
looking forward to our next buddies outing
really wish for it man
i really miss them alot
ahloong dapian hweehwee qian etc
hais=(

2008-04-05T02:05:00.003+08:00

Nothing much today
went je to skate with baby,his friend(weixiang),yongxing and andrew
then went arcade play initial d
then rush cab to baby house with the rest
to catch my last episode of channel 8 de 9pm show series
nice ending =D

Hmm
early morning baby make a fuss over sth he mistaken
i was damn piss off
but when we meet up at je for skating
baby gave me a rose
although i was still mad with him but im truly touched
really
cause i didnt expect him to do so
im surprised
and also cause being with baby for 2months and 4days
this is the second time he gave me gifts
first is merci chocolate
this time is a red rose which is my favourite =D

THANKS SO MUCH BABY!!!
ILY!
Muacksss! =D

GOD PLEASE CURE BABY'S ULCER ASAP!
cause I MISS HIS KISSES!!! =X
whahaha...... =P

To whoever at my tagboard
ive removed my tagboard cause its starting to get irritating
you may say im running away from whatever you all wrote or whatsoever
but the truth is...YOU ALL DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING AT ALL!
i didnt blog every single thing about my relationship
so you all cant just state your views just based on my blog
and i see no point explaining so much to you all
you all dont even know how i treat my baby and how he treat me
so stop judging
this relationship consists of only me and my baby
and no one else
whether he deserves better anot
i will judge myself
and not you all judge for me
thanks
and i dont need your opinions views whatsoever
cause WHAT REALLY MATTERS TO ME IS MY BABY!
his feelings
his opinions
his views
etc etc etc
so just FUCK OFF!!
THANKS! =)

2008-04-04T02:59:00.001+08:00

ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby
ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby
ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby
ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby ilovebaby =D

"YOU BELONG TO ME AND NO ONE ELSE!"
"ONE AND ONLY MINE!"
hehehehehehe....... =P

hope baby's ulcer recover soon
cause I MISS KISSING HIM!!! =X
whahahaha..... =D

2008-04-04T02:32:00.001+08:00

Ytd was xiaoben's birthday
met up to eat zuchao for dinner at batok cc
altogether 10 over people

Then went westmall with baby to get a cake
celebrated at the basketball court
hmm
really hope xiaoben did enjoy himself ytd =)

Last night didnt go home cause my cum baby's friend(daniel) had relationship problem
so we all rush over to look over the situation
lijie was there with him and wilson rushed over either
we tried all our best to console,advise and comfort him
until late past midnight we dont have transport home and broke either
haha
so all went over to baby's house stay over cause nearest
we all slept late ytd night just to look over daniel
damn tired
but its worth it
cause he did feel better the next day =D

But its kinda funny last night
initially i was sleeping with baby on his bed
then when midnight his mum suddenly wake up
he immediately rush to the floor and lie down there sleep
LMAO!
lols
but of course i initially cant sleep cause see baby sleep on floor i heartpain
hais =(
ask him sleep on bed i sleep on floor
but he disagrees so

Come to think of it
im glad that i get along quite smoothly with baby's family
especially his sister
hehe
we everytime gossip about baby de =X
whahaha
thats why baby keep sneezing always =P

Hmm
regarding today's incident
i really hope baby will understand how im feeling
its just too pressurzing and stressful being with him
he expect too much from me
i know he's good at basketball,initial d,ice skating,swimming etc etc
but he cant expect me to be like him
him is him
me is me
he cant always expect people around him to be like him
i will try my best to be a better gf
but its just too hard to be better in everything he expect me to just cause he's good at them
i've never force him to learn anything that im good at and he's not before
right??
SO
love me for who i am and ill love you for who you are ^.^

2008-04-02T01:03:00.000+08:00

How i wish im together with you during that 2 years that you stopped basketball

Really wish

Hais!

Sobs! ='(

2008-04-02T00:02:00.004+08:00

Spent our 2nd month anniversary damn simple and easy today
went jp watch "step up 2"
nice show indeed
thats why tempted to watch that show so much
love that show
watched "step up" before
so part 2 must watch =)

Hmm
after that went to eat kfc
happy happy de
suddenly baby scold me over minor stuff
i sian diao
then sad sad le
hais =(

But in the end he got apologise to me so still okay ba

BUT damn angry de thingy is baby's keep tempted to play basketball today when its our anni!
im like wtf?!
our anni suppose to be spent with each other only
but all he can think of is basketball
worse still is his friends keep asking him to go play
until i got upset and mad about it then he dont dare go le
arghhh!
but this kind of thing no need say also know de ma
even yongxing also know this kind of logic lo
arghhh!
hais =(

I should have took my godsis's advice
she once told me not to find guys who likes to play basketball very much
other has also warn me before that baby will somehow neglect me for basketball
its true
do not find a basketball addict bf
or rather find a love addict bf
it will be better
or you will regret
like me
for not taking others' advices
hais =(

Although he skipped basketball for me just now
but still
he cant resist basketball
after he sent me off at the bus stop,he went to play
hais
think im right
i dislike basketball addict bf
arghhh!
it just simply irritates me!

He even lied to me about it
im truly and greatly disappointed and upset
lying to gf is a serious offence in a relationship
luckily i feel that he doesnt worth my trust yet so i know he lied
at first i feel that i should trust him when he lie to me
but in the end i feel that i should not trust him so the truth came to me
he can lie about this this time
means he can lie about anything in the future
i shall not trust him anymore

He cant resist basketball
so i shall not resist smoking for him either

Some people just wont treasure sth until they get a feel of losing it

I TRULY DEEPLY GREATLY SERIOUSLY INTOLERABLY HATE PEOPLE WHO LIES TO ME!!!
THOSE PEOPLE CAN JUST FUCK OFF!
KISS MY ASS!

2008-04-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

Just as planned
went swimming with baby and his friend
didnt go gym cause they two bastards last minute dont wanna go
both wanna go swimming only
arghhh!
but nvm
baby happy can le =D

Oh ya
didnt manage to meet my bestfriend ahmei today
all my fault
cause we all overslept then in the end ahmei cant wait so we change to another day
sadded =(
miss her so much man
have always looking forward to going gym with her again
hais

Tml is me and baby de 2nd month le
time really flies man
so fast jiu 2months gone le
hmm
throughout these 2 months we really been through alot
and of course our feelings grew stronger and stronger
from starting LIKE to now LOVE
we also got to understand each other more
i must really thank my baby for showering his love on me all these while
taking my short-temper,stubborness,unreasonability and etc

THANKS SO MUCH BABY!!! =D

and IM SORRY FOR WHATEVER UNPLEASANT STUFFS IVE DONE! =(

I LOVE YOU!!! ^.^
WO AI NI!
*hugs&kisses*

2008-03-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

My wrist sprain got worse today
and no one's concern! =(
except charcoal
glad that theres still someone who bothers =D
he gave me advices
thanks ^.^

Today whole day at home
never go out
regretted
should have went out
cause kena scolded several times by my bro again
hais
and yup
one box on the left side of my jaw
starting it hurts alot
after that jiu no feeling le
sadded
what i believe is indeed true
the more i stay at home the higher risk i have to get scolded or beaten
hais =(
home not like home
like hell
like prison
like cold palace
sobs ='(

hope tomorrow will be a better day =)

2008-03-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

Be without you - Mary J. Blige

I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

Oooo (oh, oh, oh, oh) oooo

Chemistry was crazy from the get-go

Neither one of us knew why

We didn't build nothing overnight

Cuz a love like this takes some time

People swore it off as a phase

Said we can't see that

Now from top to bottom

They see that we did that (yes)

It's so true that (yes)

We've been through it (yes)

We got real sh** (yes)

See baby we been...

Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)

And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)

Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel

Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it

Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

I got a question for ya

See I already know the answer

But still I wanna ask you

Would you lie? (no)

Make me cry? (no)

Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?

Well, neither would I, baby

My love is only your love (yes)

I'll be faithful (yes)I'm for real (yes)

And with us you'll always know the deal

We've been...

Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)

And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)

Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel

Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it

Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

See this is real talk

I'm always stay (no matter what)

Good or bad (thick and thin)

Right or wrong (all day everyday)

Now if you're down on love or don't believe

This ain't for you (no, this ain't for you)

And if you got it deep in your heart

And deep down you know that it's true (come on, come on, come on)

Well, let me see you put your hands up (hands up)

Fellas tell your lady she's the one (fellas tell your lady she's the one, oh)

Put your hands up (hands up)

Ladies let him know he's got your love

Look him right in his eyes and tell him

We've been...

Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)

And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)

Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel

Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it

Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

Heeeeeeeeeeeey

OhhhhhhhhhhhhhHeeeeeeeeeeeey

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you

2008-03-30T12:09:00.004+08:00

Finally i start to feel the presence of me inside baby's heart le =D
He has started to change for me
Change for the better
Treat me better than before le
Even though is after that incident then like that de
But still im glad =D

I really love you baby
LOVE LOVE LOVE

Whats good about my baby??
Hmm...
He loves me lots and only me
Whatever i want,he will try his best to get it for me
He cares for me and protects me
Doesnt want me to get any harm or suffer
And etc etc etc.......lols!

I WANT BABY PIGGYBACK ME FOREVER!!!
TILL THE END!!!!!!!!!
Whahaha! =D

Ytd went ice skating with baby
Happy to be with him
But sad that i slightly sprain my right wrist when fall from learning my skating brake -.-
Now my wrist rotate to certain angle jiu pain le
Hais =(
Hope it will recover soon
Cause if not,i cant carry heavy stuffs anymore!
Especially i cant play basketball!!!
DIE! ='(

Also went to play pool at night after skating
With baby,his friend(weixiang) and chengyang
I played two games and won both of them
Whahaha =P
But played damn badly cause of my injured wrist
When playing,my hand keep shaking
Hais =(

Oh ya
Finally i defeated my opponent in arcade de initial d
I played so many times but still keep losing to that stupid two fucking girls in the legend
Arghhh
Defeated them ytd finally
Damn happy
But sad again cause next opponent more hard
Its ZACK!
Arghhh!
He's so fast la!
Hais! =(

Hmm
Tml morning going jurong west de new complex de gym with baby and his friend(weixiang)
I asked ahmei along cause i used to going the gym there with her le
She intro me there de =D
But she still not confirm yet =(
Hopefully she can go
Hmm
Then after that going swimming with them at the same complex
So i guess tml's gonna be a damn tiring day
But exercising is GOOD! =D

Oh ya
Took some photos of chloe and abhishek while skating
Hehe ^.^

2008-03-29T11:31:00.000+08:00

Tattoo - Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do

You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do

[Chorus x2]
Just like a tattooI'll always have you

2008-03-29T10:56:00.001+08:00

EMO EMO EMO
EMO EMO EMO EMO
EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO
EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO!!!

Hais! =(

Had a damn long day ytd.
Too many things happened in a day.
Till i couldnt take it.
Keep cutting my wrist with a sharp metal.
Wanna use the pain on my wrist to cover up the pain inside my heart.
But to no avail.
The more i cut,the more pain i feel inside my heart.
Hais.
Cry several times ytd too.
Up till now still will feel like crying.
Sobs. ='(

I also stopped my asthma medication for 2days le.
No mood to eat.
Hais. =(

Anyway thanks to those who are there for me ytd.
Especially nic.
He came down to find me immediately when he knows sth happen to me.
Then special thanks to my laogong chanmyat! =)
Even though she's working at her attachment company at that time,when she know sth happen to me,she took the risk and called me immediately.
Im really glad laogong!
Thanks lots laogong!
You are afterall my most precious laogong cum sister throughout these coming 5years! =D
And also weixiang.
Keep trying to console me and stop me from doing foolish stuffs.
Lols.

And also shuaige once again.
Even though he only msg me at night but when he know im not doing well,he tries his best to cheer me up and console me. =)
For the past few years,even theres nothing wrong with me,he will also msg me every now and then to ask me sleep early and takecare.
Im glad i have him too. =D

Oh ya.
Few days back forgot to blog about my driving Basic Theory Test.
I PASSED!
Im SOOO GLAD and HAPPY! =D
The night before i was so nervous.
Im so afraid that i will fail and need to rebook again and wait for another few months for the test to come.
Cause i booked this test in january.
Then february fully booked.
So i only manage to book in march.
But i passed so i dont have to book again and wait!
Hehe! =P
More amazing is that im the first to finish!
Whahaha!
I did my Evaluation Test in 15mins so i expected to finish my BTT in 15mins too and I DID!!! =D
Finally i can start booking for my Final Theory Lessons and Test.
And also start my Practical Trainings. ^.^

2008-03-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

Moody moody MOODY!!! =(

Hais!
Damn damn DAMN EMO! ='(

Too many stuffs happened recently.
Many till i couldnt cope with them at all.
Hais.
TROUBLED! =(

Can someone please cheer me up in any way?? =(

Anyway thanks shuaige!
For being there for me and cheer me up in a certain way for the past few days!
You're still always the BEST! =D
Or rather thanks lots for being there for me for the past few YEARS! =)
You're one that will never fail to be there for me whenever i need you!
THANKS! ^.^

As for my darling(wanxin)...
Please cheer up!
And dont think so much!
Look on the bright side and move on!
You know that i'll always be there for you! =D
And please please PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF!!!
Arghhh!
If not im gonna knock sense into you!
Hehe! =P

2008-03-24T13:23:00.003+08:00

Damn fucked up now.
Morning 10plus kena woke up by my bro to pei him eat breakfast.
He say eat finish then go back to sleep.
But after that my that fucking dad provoke him and made him angry.
Then he vent it on me.
All of a sudden find blames with me and dont let me go back to sleep anymore.
All the way pei him till now.
Shit ass mother fucker!

I really hate my dad man.
Non stop giving me troubles.
Cause of his stupidity,im the one suffering.
Fuck him!

Im so fucked up la!
With everything!
All opposing me!
Both family and relationship problems!
Idiotic!
Irritating! =(

Somehow i feel like giving up my relationship.
Nothing's going well.
More and more problems.
Ytd then realize im the one who is being over possessive.
I met baby everyday but he didnt say anything.
He seems like wanting to meet me everyday too.
But in the end he said otherwise last night.
So all along it has been one sided.
Ive been so stupid all this while.
Wtf!
And yeah!
Hell right!
Im going to tell myself not to put him as my first priority anymore!
BITCH!

Im really damn depressed now and needed baby by my side but im gonna tell myself HELL NO!
Im not gonna depend on baby anymore!
I dont need him at all!
FUCK!

AFTERALL SINGLE IS STILL THE BEST!
DONT HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLES TO WORRY

2008-03-24T02:57:00.002+08:00

Today went sentosa with baby,his sis,willy(his sis's bf) and yongxing.
Last night went drinking chivas below block 163 with nic,vincent,qinquan and ryan.
I drank alittle jiu vomit le.
Think cause stomach not good plus i damn long never drink liquor le.
After that went back to nic house and sleep over.
Morning wake up jiu go over baby's house.
Initially in the morning i was very emo.
Even more emo than the past few days.
Cause after what i heard baby told me what his parents said about me,my heart like kena shot by several arrows.
Hais.
Reach sentosa already,i keep lying down suntan.
After that had some fun with baby and yongxing at the sea.
Played alittle of volleyball.
Thats it.

I did cheer up alittle after the sentosa trip.
But when at night,i had a conversation with baby regarding his parents and many other stuffs.
Everything just brought down my better mood to worst mood ever.
Hais.
How i wish i can choose my life,instead of having this sucky one.

"I've already done as much as i can as a girfriend of his!"
"What else more do they expect from me?!"
"I REALLY HOPE TO BE PERFECT BUT NOBODY'S PERFECT!"

Suddenly realized last night is full moon and so beautiful!
Along with the stars around it,makes the perfect match of a wonderful night sky!
Then i immediately msg darling(wanxin) and inform her about it.
Even though she cant see the moon but she can see the stars and they are awesome!
But nic told me that friday's moon is the best one.
I missed it!
Arghhh!
Hais. =(
I simply love stars and moon very much!
Cause no matter where i go,they always stood by me!
And i also believe that my passed away eldest bro is one of the stars up there blessing me all this while.
I can feel his presence somehow but i dont know where he exactly is.
But i know if he's alive,i will love him alot alot!
I can feel it.
Somehow i missed him very much even though i never met him before.

Few weeks ago,i did an online research and found out that there's this restaurant called CHARCOAL.
I was shock.
Didnt realise that singapore has this restaurant name.
That really did laugh my ass out.
Cause people who are close to me should know who i always call CHARCOAL. =D
Then i went to tell charcoal about it.
He's surprised too.
Lols.
Then ytd he suddenly msg me say he saw that restaurant while taking bus home from vivo.
Haha.
Today when i took bus to sentosa and saw it too.
Im really amazed.
Anyway we will go down there eat someday soon.
Cant wait for that day to come. ^_^

2008-03-22T18:09:00.000+08:00

Stayed home throughout today.
Bored.
Damn bored.
Till now.
Later go bath jiu go batok meet nic le.
Tonight going his house thon.

These few days quite emo.
Especially today.
DAMN EMO! =(
I dont know why.
Keep thinking about my life.
Then my will for living started decreasing.

Started to feel sick and tired of pei-ing my bro.
I wonder how much longer can i tolerate entertaining him.
Ive been keeping all my feelings deep inside my heart since very young.
How much longer can i hold it??
I dont know.
Im afraid when one day i finally burst out,ill be a monster.

Tml going sentosa with baby to suntan.
Hopefully tml ill cheer up.
Cause i always wanted to go there for a long time.
And please dont rain tml.
please dont spoil my day.
PLEASE!

2008-03-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

Today nothing much.
Went to BABY's house throughout.
Slack here and there.
Started my 'drama craze' again today.
Taiwan drama : "Romantic Princess".
Its kinda nice show. =D

At night join BABY and his family for dinner.
This time whole family around.
Dad,mum,sis and him.
Although stressed but it went out smooth.
Ate at westmall koufu.
Luckily i get along well with his sis too.
So everything's still okay. ^.^

LIVE YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
LIKE YOU'RE GONNA DIE THE NEXT DAY!

2008-03-21T01:44:00.006+08:00

Today BABY's dad came back from thailand.
Went dinner with BABY and him.
First time met his dad.
Damn nervous i am.
But in the end i got through.
Im glad that it went quite smoothly. =D
His dad is kinda friendly and funny too.
Especially when he keeps suan-ing BABY.
Haha. =P
His dad treated us BALI THAI at westmall.
Gosh!
He ordered quite alot of dishes and we all cant finish them.
Such a waste.
But cant be blame.
My stomach's bursting already.
Ive already tried to squeeze in as much as i can.
My fats are GROWING!!! =(

All of a sudden.
I realized im like born to be a part-time maid.
At BABY house,i help him tidy up his entire house.
Back home,i wash dishes,fold clothes,wash clothes etc.
Do till late midnight like the timing now.
Ate my medicine just now too.
Then damn drowsy but i tahan to finish my chores.
In the end now having headache. -.-

Everyday make myself so tired with chores.
Think im going insane soon.
But i dont know why.
I just feel that im born to do all these.
Its so call essential to me.
If possible,i really hope to be a housewife in the future.
I wanna take care of my children on my own.
I dont wanna follow my parents foot steps.
Like how they treated my 3 elder brothers.
Then cause my eldest bro to be how he is now.
Hais. =(

Regarding my family problems...

Im not requesting for sympathy

Im requesting for UNDERSTANDING!

Suddenly recalled back then when in bukit view sec.
Theres this bitch that i initially treated her as one of my closest girl friends.
Act so close and good to me infront of me.
But stab me hardly from my back.
Telling people around me that whatever i said about my family is make up story.
And that i have financial problem and all my branded stuffs are bought by my godparents are also lies.
Im like wtf.

But luckily all my friends trusted me.
None believe what she said.
Instead,all came to me and inform me about her backstabbing me.
Lols.
Laugh my ass out man.
Thinking back.
Im so stupid to forgive her twice just cause she wrote letters to me for my forgiveness.
Cause in the end she backstab me again and again.
Hais.

Suay suay.
She falls into the same school as me.
NgeeAnnPoly.
At times saw her at school bus stop.
Usually i pretend that i didnt see her.
But when theres a need,i force myself to give a smile to her.
Gosh!

So whoever it is out there,BE EXTRA CAREFUL WHEN YOU MAKE FRIENDS OUT THERE!
TRUST NO ONE BUT ONLY YOURSELF
CAUSE SOME HUMAN BEINGS ARE JUST BORN TO BE REAL GREAT REALISTIC ACTORS!

2008-03-21T01:38:00.000+08:00

This post is for my DARLING!!! =D

I LOVE YOU BABE!
AND ALWAYS DO!!

I will always have trust in you!
So dont worry ya?
Hehe. ^.^

Thanks for being there for me when i need you!

I will always be there for you too!
You know that clearly! =D
I'll lend you my listening ears and cosy shoulders whenever you need them!!
I'm just a call away! =D

If you find no reason to move on, THINK OF ME!!!

MUACKSSS~!!!!!!! =P

2008-03-20T03:30:00.000+08:00

Went for checkup at NUH today.
After hearing what the doctor and nurse say,i feel more depressed than before.
Feel like my life is coming to an end soon.
Hais.
Ya.
They always say it can be prevent.
But the morale of the story is PREVENTION NEEDS MONEY!
It isnt cheap to see doctor and buy medicine frequently.
Its true when people say,YOU CAN DIE BUT NOT FALL SICK

Doctor gave me a more severe asthma medicine to prevent my attacks.
And know what??
Ive got to take that medication for a lifetime.
Im like wtf?!
Gosh man!
I really hate it when the doctor says so.
Hais.
Shit ass to my life man!
Ahhh! =(
My asthma became serious that i keep having chest pains and breathing difficulty.
To the extent that it hurts till my heart can stop beating for a second or two.
I keep wanting to give up to my life.
Hais.
Everything everybody is pressurizing to me.
Mum's problems, eldest bro's problems, my financial problems, my health problems, my future problems, my relationship problems, my BABY's problems, my CHARCOAL's problems, etc etc etc..
Hais.
I think all these are enough to kill me.

And yup.
The future hospital appointments are killing me.
More appointments means more medical fees!
Shit man!
The doctor refer me to a SKIN,EYE and ORTHO specialists.
In total i have another 4 more appointments to go including my next asthma appointment.
Wtf!
And hell right,ive got to do chest x-ray and blow test on my next asthma appointment.
Omg.
Hais. =(

`Its not that i very xiaoqi.
Is that i do love you.
Thats why it matters to me so much when you always tend to mention you with other girls.
If i dont love you,i wont get any jealous about it.
I wont even give a damn shit about it.
And whatever i said that hurt you,you know i didnt mean it.
I really do love you BABY.
WoAiNi!❤

Before you act,think of me.
I know that incident isnt your fault but still you are the one who start the fire.
I want you to know.
打在你脸，痛在我心!
So next time dont anyhow start fire okay??
Its over so stop pursuing that matter le.
Stop creating more troubles.
If not ill be the next injured victim but i dont mind to be one.
And dont worry.
I can guarantee to you that it will confirm recover!
Trust me! =D

2008-03-15T05:04:00.000+08:00

暴風雨

说尽动人的话语像云河里的星星雪地里拼凑的脚印
怎么找不到你
看着窗外的乌云天空快失去力气　抱不住的雨滴　
悄悄落了一地
不想去猜测　明天我会在哪里　只能用力去记忆每个美好过去
爱就像暴风来袭　说来就来　说去就去
忘不了的伤痛让它沉默在冰天雪地　
爱就像暴风来袭　改变不了　无法继续　望着你天使般的眼睛　说爱你　说我爱你
不懂　为什么　给了我倾盆大雨
在想有一天我会拥有新的生命
　
爱就像暴风来袭　说来就来　说去就去
忘不了的伤痛让它沉默在冰天雪地　
爱就像暴风来袭　改变不了　无法继续　望着你天使般的眼睛　说爱你
你的泪水灌溉我残缺不全的爱情　雨过了一天彩虹会再出现　不再伤心　
爱就像暴风来袭　说来就来　说去就去
忘不了的伤痛让它沉默在冰天雪地　
爱就像暴风来袭　改变不了　无法继续　我爱你　说我爱你
完

胆小鬼

你爱咖啡低调的感觉
偏爱收集的音乐怪的很另类
你很特别每一个小细节
哎呀呀呀如此的对味
我怕浪费情绪的错觉
讨厌自己像刺猬小心的防卫
我很反对为失恋掉眼泪
哎呀呀呀离你远一些
喜欢看你紧紧皱眉叫我胆小鬼
你的表情大过於朋友的暧昧
寂寞的称谓甜蜜的责备
有独一无二专属的特别
喜欢看你紧紧皱眉叫我胆小鬼
我的心情就像和情人在斗嘴
奇怪的直觉错误的定位
对你哎呀呀呀我有点胆怯
我在我的世界不能犯规
你在你的世界笑我无所谓

2008-03-15T04:36:00.001+08:00

Ahhh!
Daren just told me that going into uni in singapore overall gpa 3.5 & above jiu sure can get in!
2.8 for SIM!
Gosh!
My gpa is lousy like hell la!
Shit ass man!
What should i do??
How to pull up my gpa within my last year????
Omg!
Im going crazy man!
I WANNA GO INTO SIM!!!
I WANNA GET A DEGREE!!!!!!! ='(

If really cant get in then got to go overseas study uni le.
Hais.
Sian. =(

2008-03-14T12:38:00.000+08:00

Got my results today.
Was damn worried ytd.
Cause i dont have any confidence on this exam on passing.
This is the worst exam i had done in my entire life so far.
Hais.
Im so afraid of failing.
Then i have to repeat the module again.
Hais.

But......
I just saw my results.
Even though its very bad but still i manage to pass all.
HENG AH!
*pheww*

But all very jialat nia.
All borderline pass.
All D and D+....
I expected some C or C+.
Hais.
Sian.
I look back and compare my past results.
And hell yeah this is the worst results ive got throughout my past 2 years in poly!
OMG!
Arghhh!
Hais. =(