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♥Monday, August 20, 2007


am i really that tempting to guys? i didnt do it on purpose..i really dont know..im not a flirt anymore..i admit i am in the past, i guess..but that was like long long ago..ive changed already..haiz..i dont tempt guys!

today my friend was like teasing me that our other friend seems to like me and wanna woo me..i ask him stop saying and dont scare me..cause its kinda impossible..i only treat that friend as good friend..then my friend msg me just now..he tease me again..but added on saying, "its not your fault la..you just have the cute and sweet look that every guy look at you liao, wants to protect you la..even i was tempted, thats why i so protective of you and so take care of you.." i was really god damn shock when receive that msg from my friend..i also treat my this friend as good friends only..haiz..everything seems so complicated..or maybe im the one complicating everything..

anyway i didnt agree with what my friend send me..im ugly..like a pile of shit..fat like pig..plus the "every guy"..it never applies..there are also lots of guys who hate or dislike me..especially HIM..haiz..im nothing but just a flirt in front of him..what to do? haiz..but i really didnt do it on purpose..really..

few days ago, i keep thinking to myself what actually happen to me..that ended me up staying in this state..lonely..sad..depressed..abandoned..no love..haiz..

back then, i have a strong, loving and long-lasting relationship..a relationship that i only can see my bf and no one else..the feeling is like on the streets at orchard road, although lots of people are walking about, but the only one you can see is him..thats the feelings..to the extent that i really neglected my friends..to the extent that i only want my bf in my life..to the extent that i put him as my first priority of ALL..and i really mean ALL..gave up lots of stuffs just for him..we even thought of running away together and get a life of ours, just the two of us..although that relationship has lots of problems and obstacles, but overall its a really sweet and loving one..we both truly deeply love each other..which is bee and me..our one year, two months plus relationship..

after him, i no longer can maintain such long relationships already..after him, the rest, its like i thought can last long but in the end, im being dumped by them, hurt by them, played by them, fooled by them, they go for other girls..or when one loves me alot, treats me real well but in the end we couldnt work out..haiz..really sick and tired of relationships le..or rather sick and tired of guys..ive tried to make myself hate guys, so that i can feel better..or rather play with guys back since they like playing with me so much..but i just cant do it..its not me..i love guys alot..this is me..but of course not all guys la..i mean i cant bring myself to go hate them..haiz..so here i am suffering in all these pains..now secretly in love with someone whom i cant get to see anymore but only in my dreams if i ever dreamt of him again.. ='(

and of course, me and bee wont be back together again..the feelings are gone..even though he knows me the best in this world..inside out..everything..but its the past already..and we have chosen to go our own ways..plus i also dont know whether he have changed for the better already anot..cause thats the biggest problem of him and the reason of our break-up few years back..and frankly speaking, after all my relationships up till now, bee is afterall still the one i LOVED the deepest..last time we really cant live without each other..even though stayed together for a period of time, we wont get bored with each other..we are full of activities and excitements..thats what i like..activities, outings, celebrations etc with his family..his parents treat me like a child of their own..bought shampoos etc for me when i stayed there..his house is like my second home..most of all, the happiest moment of my life is to wake up in the morning, once you open up your eyes, the very first person you see is your love one..staying at bees house is really memorable..he usually will wake up earlier than me and appear right in front of me when i wake up..always likes to look at me sleep..at times, i will do the same to him too..we are really happy couples..cant imagine that we only knew each other for 2 weeks and we stead for so long..broke up before thrice..but it never lasts more than a day..lol..still rmb we always like to kiss each other secretly while asleep even though we are awake, we will pretend asleep..hehe.. =P

me now is like a changed person..i guess i really cant enter into a relationship for the time being..or rather i learnt my lesson..that is to know a guy real well before going into a relationship..a relationship like me and bee wont work out anymore..seldom this kind of cases happen..knowing someone short and be together long..hard..unless you really so lucky, get to know a guy that really fits you well..i really hope for one in the future..one that will last like me and bee last time but this time last all the way of course..

♥RumikoLoves
12:43 AM