♥Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Sad to say.
Me and HUBBY break up le.
I ask him whether should we,and he agreed to it.
Cause our relationship is getting more and more weird le.
I think for these two days.
About our whole relationship.
We seem to be better when in the close relationship before we stead.
In the 'DOG' and 'MASTER' relationship.
We seem happier that way.
HUBBY also think so.
So we decided on a break up for both of us to think for some time.
I really hope this break up will do us good.

Another reason why i ask for it is cause after all that we have been through,im still unable to let go of HIM.
I really feel bad towards HUBBY.
Even though HUBBY know that i havent let go of HIM.
But still,i feel dui bu qi to HUBBY.
At times i will think of HIM,HUBBY knows.
Although HUBBY didnt show much mindness.
But i know deep inside HUBBY's heart,he does mind de.
Hais.
HUBBY,DUI BU QI!
RANG NI SHOU ZHE ME DUO KU!!!
='(

Dont know why.
Since last night,my chests never stops hurting.
Feel that my chests are both so tight.
And find it very hard to breathe.
Whats wrong with me?!?!
Ahhh!
Can someone kill me?!
REALLY VERY XING KU!!!
Hais.
Sobs.
='(

Ytd night waited for HUBBY's call till very late then sleep.
In the end cant wake up this morning and was late for my presentation.
And ya.
I cause my group unable to present.
Hais.
Felt so bad.
But come to think of it.
Im helping them.
Cause at last the lecturer say give us present next monday.
Which means more time for them to edit their stuffs.
Their work are full of errors.
Even if today got chance to present,they also cant present.
Only mine with alittle errors.
=DD

This whole weekend is like so packed for me.
Friday-town shopping with SiewFong(my poly closest classmate) till evening then go find XiaoBen,Joseph they all.
Saturday-badminton and midnight movie with ChunMei(my childhood bestfriend for 12years).
Sunday-sisters outing(secondary school sisters).
Hope after all these outings,i will feel better.
Cause im god damn EMO these days!!!
Hais.
Sobs.
='(

♥RumikoLoves
1:59 PM

♥Sunday, January 27, 2008

Today noon,mum brought me to chinese medical.
To see whether the chinese doctor can find out why my health is deteriorating.
The doctor 'ba' both my wrist pulse.
Then ask and say alot stuffs.
What i everytime around what time sleep.
Why so late sleep.
Then say me never eat my meals regularly.
Etc etc etc.
The results are scary.
Hais.
He say my gastric and kidney not good.
MUST eat meals regularly.
CANNOT eat fried food etc.
MUST eat those disgusting chinese medicine regularly.
Hais.
Those medicine really SUCK!
Arghhh!
*puke*
But no choice.
If dont eat,later kena kidney failure,i jiu die le.
My mum damn scared i will kena.
I more scared.
Thats why no matter how bad the chinese medicine taste,i just force them into my mouth and throat.
Last time die die also wont eat chinese medicine de.
Hais.
Im so afraid of death.
Afraid of leaving HUBBY.
Afraid of leaving HIM.
Hais.
Sobs.
='(

I told HUBBY today.
That if i really kena kidney failure one day,i will go commit suicide immediately.
I really mean it.
I dont wanna be like those people who goes to NKF etc de.
I rather go and die earlier.
Faster.
No more misery and torture.

Afternoon called HUBBY and receive a god damn bad news from him.
Hais.
He morning ask his friend send him to work by bike.
Then suay suay the bike 'buang'.
I bought some porridge,vitamins and antiseptic cream over to his house.
I see his wounds,i really shock.
Say jialat,actually not that jialat.
But looks very painful.
I really dont know how to describe how i feel when i first saw him and his injuries.
Heartpain?
Disappointed?
I really dont know.
Hais.
See him eat the porridge and drink the vitamins,help him apply medicine on his wounds.
I jiu leave immediately le.
Cause need rush to imm help my eldest bro check on playstation3 de information.
At there bought pepper lunch for his dinner and mos burger for mine.
But in the end when he saw my burger,he also wanna eat so i gave in.
I went to cook instant noodles,with an egg and some nuggets.
This is my life.
Hais.
=(

My HUBBY ar.
I really dont know what to say about him.
He never stops making me worry.
One day,headache.
Next day,gastric pain.
Another day,'buang' bike.
Hais.
Today suddenly found out partially why i find this whole relationship so weird le.
Cause being his LAOPO isnt easy.
Frankly speaking,its tiring.
Hais.
=(

Oh ya.
Saw aryn and yvonne at imm mos burger too.
So qiao.
Lols.
And also jairus cause i working there.
^.^

Dont know why.
Suddenly felt so ALONE.
Like nobody's there for me.
`SO LONELY`
I wonder why.
Hais.
Sobs.
='(

♥RumikoLoves
11:58 PM

Today damn happy.
Ytd third korkor came back home awhile while im outside.
He left 50bucks in his drawer for me.
Ask me go shopping.
Lols.
And I DID!
Whahaha!
I WENT TOWN SHOPPING STRAIGHT TODAY!
Hehe!
With xiaoben and joseph.

We went heeren,cine and fareast.
Lols.
I bought two tops and one hand bag!
Wooo!=D
One top is from cine de revoltage.
Damn sexy de top nia.
My mum and HUBBY see liao also shock.
Whahaha!
But my mum say i wear liao,VERY NICE!
Hehe.
=P
Then the other top is LITTLE MISS de.
Hehe.
'LITTLE MISS FUN'
Weeee!
Lols!
I sot already!
=X

I REALLY DO LURBB SHOPPING LOTS!!!
SHOPPING KEEPS MY TROUBLES AWAY!!!
A SHOPPING A DAY,KEEP THE PSYCHOLOGISTS AWAY!!!
WHAHAHAHAHAHA!
=DD

These few days weird nia.
I keep having friendster friends come telling me that they saw me this and that.
But i didnt see them at all!
Hmmm.
Weird.
Few days ago,got one guy from friendster say saw me at my house here when i on my way home.
Then today got one more guy say saw me at heeren.
Lols.
They also never see me before.
How they recognise me nia?
Just through my friendster photos?
Lols.
But the glad thing is they all say i look prettier in person than my friendster photos!
Whahaha!
JOKE OF THE DAY!
=DD
*blushing*

Now im awaiting for my next shopping trip.
Hehe.
Which is NEXT FRIDAY!
WeEeEeE!!!
Whahaha!
Cause im always waiting for my pay to come.
Then go shop whatever i want!
Hehe.
This time with HUBBY,MEIMEI(hubby's sis) and SHUAIGE(hongsiong)!
Cant wait for that day to come!
Lols!
^.^

Another happy thing today is that after shopping,i went chinatown find HUBBY at his workplace.
Met his aunts and uncles.
Lols.
Damn awkward la.
Hmmm.

Even though i unwell,i still go down find him.
Cause anyway he knocking off liao.
So thought of pei-ing him go home.
But thats not what made me happy.
It is HUBBY SENDING ME HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME!
Lols!
God damn glad lo!
Weee!=D
Hehe.
THANKS,HUBBY!
^.^

Hmm.
Saw a neck scarf at fareast 77th street.
Damn nice.
But no money buy.
Hais.
Sian.
Wait for next friday ba.
Hehe.
=X
THINGS TO BUY NEXT FRIDAY:
`Black Haivanais Slippers
`NUM Sleeveless Top
`77th Street Neck Scarf
`Wallet(old one spoilt already)
`Big Handbag(for school usage)
`Long Sleeve Tops
`Jacket-like Top(without the zip thingy)
`etc etc etc.....lols....=P

MESSAGE TO XIAOBEN!
Cheer up!
Dont get yourself upset cause of THEM!
Not worth it!
Dont worry,BE HAPPY!=DD
Contact me whenever you need me ba!
I'll be there!
^.^
[I HATE THAT SMELLY FACE OF YOURS!]
[IT IS TOO SMELLY TILL IT TURNS ME OFF!]
[SO MAKE IT GET LOST FROM YOUR FACE!]
[I WANT HAPPY DE XIAOBEN!]
[NOT SMELLY ONE!]
=D
*dont say i bo xim never pei you all go out hor..today got liao hor..hehe..=P think is you all bo xim ba..go town also never jio..is i contact you all today de lo..humphx!

♥RumikoLoves
2:57 AM

♥Thursday, January 24, 2008

God damn EMO today.
Hais.
Even DARLING(wanxin) can see.
I tried to be happy le.
Ive tried my very best.
But this is what i can give.
Sorry,DARLING!
Hais.
=(

Ytd night quarrel with HUBBY again.
This time more worse.
Long story.
But the shockest thing is to see him mention "break up" this two words.
He didnt ask for one.
But just mention that he dont wish to "break up" this relationship.
Immediately tears flow down my cheeks.
I dont know why.
I really hate those two words.
Cause of them,i dont know got hurt anymore times le.
Countless tears shed for them.
Hais.
Thats why i dont dare and always afraid to go into relationships.
Cause if no relationship,i wont have to see those two words.
Sobs.
='(

I myself dont even wanna mention those two words.
I controlled myself not to.
But now,he was the one who mention them.
Im like wtf.
Basket.
Hais.

This whole relationship is so wrong.
So weird.
Hais.
I really dont know what to do.

EMO EMO EMO.......
I FEEL SUCK NOW!

♥RumikoLoves
6:12 PM

♥Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Wa.
Ytd i was so impressed with myself.
Cause i really made it through.
Didnt sleep or rest at all.
Chiong all the way.
Morning straight go lesson.
After school go canteen 3 eat with my classmates.
But i only ate dessert.
Then rush home change and rush off to work.
Chiong work all the way to midnight then reach home.
Only ate one more sandwich for ytd.
Lols.
Low food and rest also can make it through.
Power sia me.
Haha.

But ytd night i sleep till like dead person like that.
Totally cant wake up for morning lesson.
Set alarm but cant feel anything.
When i open my eyes and look at the time,afternoon le.
Lols.
Luckily still not late for work.
Haha.
Didnt go school but went for work.
4pm start again,and till 11plus midnight again too.
Same as ytd.
Then reach home bath,pei my bro,help him do stuffs.
And here i am blogging.
Damn shag too.
Hais.

Today dont know whats wrong with me.
My mind isnt at work.
Then keep hurting myself during work.
i burn my hand in the oven while making the sandwiches.
Then knock onto stuffs while moving around during work.
Bruises everywhere.
Hands,legs etc.
Hais.
=(

But today found out a good news.
That is the essay that i help HIM do for the whole night the other time,HE scored 8 out of 10!
Wow!
Didnt know will be so well!
Hehe.
God damn glad.
Cause i was so worried i will cause HIM to get bad results.
As that essay means alot to HIS that particular module.
Hais.
But lucky i did it!
Hehe.
=DD
The rest have to rely on HIMSELF for HIS final exams le.
I really hope HE will listen to me and jiayou for HIS studies.
Last time ask HIM study hard for HIS 'O' Levels,HE dont wanna listen then in the end regret.
Regret for not listening to me too.
Give HIM free home tuition,HE dont appreciate.
Hais.
Anyway i will still support HIM and give HIM best wishes.
=)

Hao bu rong yi finish my eCAD de assignment ytd,now find out that my DWA assignment due on this friday.
Arghhh.
Projects never ending.
Hais.
God damn stress.
Suppose promise to meet HUBBY tml de.
Cause past few days too busy with work then never go find him.
But now cause of my that stupid DWA assignment,dont think can pei him tml le.
But at the same time i found out that he start working tml too.
Tml i end school at 6.
Maybe after my meeting with my groupmates after school,i go chinatown to his workplace find him ba.
Then can go home together too.
Hehe.
^.^
I MISS HUBBY DAMN LOTS!
=DD

Just now reach home see mum sitting at the dining table look very stress, worried and tired.
I guess is about me ba.
I went over and gave her a kiss on her cheek.
And keep smiling at her.
Hope she wont worry about me so much.
I just simply lurbb the way she smile whenever i kiss her.
Dont know why.
I just lurbb seeing people smile at me after i kiss them.
Make me feel so much satisfaction and happiness.
Hehe.
^.^

♥RumikoLoves
3:25 AM

♥Monday, January 21, 2008

Now im in school blogging.
But wait a minute.
LOOK AT THE TIME NOW!
524AM!
LOL!
=X
I stayed in school throughout ytd and night man.
Rushing project like hell.
Need to submit by 8am later on.
So no choice.
Must sacrifice my precious sleep.
Hais.

Rest of today confirm will be a damn shag day man.
Later i 7am still need go home bath change and come back to school for lesson at 9am.
Hais.
Sian.
Initially dont wanna go home de but no choice, tonight working.
I need go back get my attire and shoes.
Working from 4pm to 11pm somemore.
Arghhh!
Dont feel like working but i dont have other choice.
=(

Ytd didnt manage to go find HUBBY.
Today also not sure can go find him anot.
Cause im afraid i got extra remedial then after that jiu rush off for work le.
Hais.
Sian.
Miss him so much.
I wanna cry liao la.
Lols.
I LURBB MY HUBBY!
=DD

♥RumikoLoves
5:24 AM

♥Sunday, January 20, 2008

Today is me and HUBBY de first day out.
Which means our FIRST DATE.
Although short,cause only went out from evening to night.
But still,im really happy today.
Thanks HUBBY so much!
=DD
For sparing time to pei me go out.
And also make yourself go out even though you dont really like to do so.
Hope HUBBY enjoy himself today too.
Really hope.
And i also really hope that there will be more of this in the future.
And im gonna do a MAKEOVER on my beloved HUBBY.
ITS TIME!
Hehehehehe.
=X

We went bugis watch movie.
'Cloverfield'.
Not bad.
Then we went back batok.
Look for his sis.
And also for me to eat my meal.
Took quite afew photos with HUBBY today.
*HAPPY HAPPY*
Hehe.
^.^

Darling(Wanxin).
The above part is the happy post i owe you de hor.
Dont say i never post.
But too bad.
Ive got to post sth unhappy below.
Hais.

Just now got beaten up by my bro again.
But this time lesser.
Just one slap on my left ear.
Hais.
That ear kena blocked again.
=(

Got so sick and tired of my life man.
Really.
Feel like giving up and surrender to my stupid fucking life.
Hais.
Sobs.
='(

♥RumikoLoves
4:48 AM

♥Thursday, January 17, 2008

Just now i got a GOD DAMN IT GREAT NEWS from hubby!
That is he's starting work on this friday!
Which means our first date on sunday will be cancelled!
And the promise he gave me to fetch me from work on saturday also gone!
I know he didnt mean it de!
But i wonder anyone can understand how i feel right now!
To be honest,im crying right now!
I just cant control my tears!
My heart really hurts a million times!
Till i find it so hard to breathe!

This is the reason why i always wanted my hubby to come out find me.
But he's too lazy to do so.
Pei me go westmall,fetch me from work etc.
Not even ONCE!
And great,now he's starting work.
At the same time,its just at the start of our relationship.
What should i do man?
Can someone tell me?
Im really LOST!

I dont wanna vent my anger on him cause i know he didnt mean it.
Thats why im here venting on my blog.
Now what i feel is beating someone up.
And know what?
I seldom angry till wanna beat people de.
Great this time!
WTF!
THIS IS JUST ISNT MEEE!!!

I really wonder when then hubby will understand how i feel.
I believe he has his own reasons for not liking to go out.
But the problem is i everytime like that go his house there find him,i eventually also will tired de.
It isnt near.
Taking two different buses from school to get to his house.
Taking cab home during midnight just cause i wanna be with him longer.
I myself know that to me,i find it all worth it.
But how much longer can i endure all these?
I dont have so much money to take cab.
I dont have so much energy or a perfect health to always go find him.
My body's getting weaker and weaker.
I really dont know how much can my body still take.
I just really hope he will somehow come out find me once in a while.

And from what i rmb,i guess me and hubby havent went to any places out of gombak before.
Isnt it pathetic?
Couples usually start from meeting outside.
Go on dates.
Then become closer to going their houses.
Me?
Everything opposite.
I guess if i never always go down gombak and mix around with those friends of mine often,i also wont know my hubby le.
Actually wanna confront hubby about this just now but ended up him telling me he's starting to work on friday.
Hais.
Sobs.
='(

-TEARS SHED

Today also ALMOST quarrel with hubby.
Luckily he gave in to me and i also let it go.
If not,we will really quarrel i guess.
Hais.
Cause i wanted him to pei me go westmall buy stuffs and eat dinner together.
But he told me he insufficient sleep so very tired,dont feel like going out.
I can understand.
I tried to.
But its not the first time he reject me asking him out le.
Im like the GUY in a relationship man.
The one who is always organising,asking for dates etc.
Hais.
Ytd night also told him to wait for me for dinner today.
I just really dont like the feeling of eating alone.
Close friends of mine should know it very well.
I used to rather dont eat if i have to be the only one eating.
But know what?
He didnt wait for me for dinner.
Hais.
=(

Dont know why.
Im starting to feel that there's no fate in this relationship at all.
Like everything's going against us.
Its only the start leh.
Hais.

The more i lurbb hubby,the more hurtful i am when comes to problems.
Is it a good thing that im falling deeper for hubby?
I really doubt it.
But i know.
Im falling bit by bit more for hubby le.
Hais.

♥RumikoLoves
1:46 AM

♥Wednesday, January 16, 2008

3 days never meet hubby le. =(
Hais.
Miss him damn lots.
Im really sorry towards him.
Cause im like keep bombing him.
Sun im lock at home by my bro.
Then suppose to go find him after school on mon and tues but in the end didnt.
Hais.
"HUBBY! ZHEN DE HEN DUI BU QI!"
I really hope he's not upset or angry with me.
I really didnt mean it de.
Remedial and project are all last minute one.
Hais. =(

Hais.
These few days are really tiring man.
Mon - morning school.after school remedial.after remedial work.midnight then go home.
Tues - morning school.after school do project with classmates.after that work.midnight then go home again.
SHAG SHAG SHAG!
Arghhh! =(

Finally tml no work after school.
Can go find hubby.
Hehe.
But sad to say,i end school at 6pm tml.
Shit you man,stupid lessons!
Till so late.
Arghhh!

Just knew reiner transferred to westmall work.
Lols.
Shiok ar.
More and more people working in westmall le.
Got more companies!
Hehe.

Ytd night after work,reiner came to find me.
Then alvin came and they both waited for me off work.
After that,i pei them go csc.
Watch them play billiard awhile,i jiu take cab home le.
God damn shag.

Just now reiner came to wait for me off work again.
Then we go mos slack awhile.
Jonathan's working today too.
Not long later,reiner send me to bus stop and i took bus home.
Shag once again.

Reiner tml off then ask me pei him go bugis at night after my school.
But ive already promised hubby to go find him le.
Plus 3 days no meet le nia.
We miss each other damn lots lo.
"Reiner..im really SORRY alright?i really need to meet andy tml.i promise to pei you the next time okay?dont say me le,hao ma?hais." =(

Ytd night sth happen again.
Hais.
My bro beat me once again.
3 hits this time.
First,my head.
Second,my ear.
Third,my cheek.
Hais.
Wanna cry out but couldnt.
Dont know why.
Mum tried to defend for me by saying my bro but ALMOST got beaten up too.
I rather she dont interfere.
I dont want her to get hurt.
Especially infront of me.
Hais.
Sobs.
='(
In the end,my mum very worried and keep asking me whether im okay.
I just smiled at her,tell her im very okay and ask her not to worry so much.
But actually..............im not.
Everything stuff inside me.
Wanna cry out also cant cry.
Very xing ku.
Hais.
But life's like this.
In order to not let your close ones worry too much,you have to be optimistic and cheerful.
Then that energy will bring on to the others.
Thats why despite all those abuse and everything ive been through,im still my family's 'kai xin guo'.
=DD

♥RumikoLoves
2:44 AM

♥Sunday, January 13, 2008

I just hope HE's doing better than me.
Living HIS life happier than me.

♥RumikoLoves
9:28 AM

think SOMEONE misunderstood what i wrote in my previous post.
that two guys from goodview who like me is cheefong and yongsheng.
andy is later on de.

anyway im now attached to andy.
but dont know why i keep feeling that theres sth missing in our relationship.
i feel weird.
dont know why.

hubby know i havent let go of HIM.
hubby his own past i also not sure he let go le ma.
but we both agreed to try it out.
so i guess it takes time.

but frankly speaking,i abit tong ku this way.
cause my feelings are all so complicated.
i know i havent let go of HIM.
im so scared that it might be impossible.
so afraid.
hais.
sobs.
='(

i do miss HIM at times.
especially when smoking.
everytime i smoke,i will think of him.
hais.
what should i do?
=(

LOVE and LIKE are so different.
i know that i LIKE hubby.
but not yet LOVE.
i doubt myself for not LOVING HIM.
whats wrong with me?
why must i always go through this stage just cause i cant make myself to let go of HIM??
last time with bee also like that.
now also like that.
im really fed up with myself.
really hate myself!
=(

i really wonder how HES doing lately.
heard HIS news.
CONCERN but i dont wanna make myself to go BOTHER.
it will be unfair for hubby.

sometimes i really wonder.
i dont think im still able to replace that girl's place in hubbys HEART.
just like hubby still didnt manage to replace HIM in my HEART.
hais.
this whole thing isnt that simple.
its so complicating.
im frustrated with myself.

just now when on my way walking home,突然觉得今天晚上特别冷.
so COLD and ALONE.
i wonder why i will feel so.
hais.

reach home already,bath myself in COLD water to make myself NUMB.
NUMB from all those frustrating and complicating feelings of mine.
ended up coming out from shower shivering.
-.-
now wearing jacket at home.
hais.

btw sorry,darling(wanxin).
for posting another emo post.
instead of a happy one as promised to you.
but just.
i really cant help it.
im sorry.
hais.
=(

能给的我全都给了
我都舍得
除了让你知道
我心如刀割

♥RumikoLoves
12:25 AM

♥Saturday, January 12, 2008

think SOMEONE misunderstood what i wrote in my previous post.
that two guys from goodview who like me is cheefong and yongsheng.
andy is later on de.

anyway im now attached to andy.
but dont know why i keep feeling that theres sth missing in our relationship.
i feel weird.
dont know why.

hubby know i havent let go of HIM.
hubby his own past i also not sure he let go le ma.
but we both agreed to try it out.
so i guess it takes time.

but frankly speaking,i abit tong ku this way.
cause my feelings are all so complicated.
i know i havent let go of HIM.
im so scared that it might be impossible.
so afraid.
hais.
sobs.
='(

i do miss HIM at times.
especially when smoking.
everytime i smoke,i will think of him.
hais.
what should i do?
=(

LOVE and LIKE are so different.
i know that i LIKE hubby.
but not yet LOVE.
i doubt myself for not LOVING HIM.
whats wrong with me?
why must i always go through this stage just cause i cant make myself to let go of HIM??
last time with bee also like that.
now also like that.
im really fed up with myself.
really hate myself!
=(

i really wonder how hes doing lately.
heard his news.
CONCERN but i dont wanna make myself to go BOTHER.
it will be unfair for hubby.

sometimes i really wonder.
i dont think im still able to replace that girl's place in hubbys HEART.
just like hubby still didnt manage to replace HIM in my HEART.
hais.
this whole thing isnt that simple.
its so complicating.
im frustrated with myself.

sorry,darling(wanxin).
for posting another emo post.
instead of a happy one as promised to you.
but just.
i really cant help it.
im sorry.
hais.
=(

能给的我全都给了我都舍得
除了让你知道我心如刀割

♥RumikoLoves
11:53 PM

♥Friday, January 04, 2008

saw bee on bus 61 when on my way to batok after school.
so qiao.
we on same bus.
since both of us alone,we went to westmall mos burger have a drink and talk.
as usual.
being with bee is comfortable.
think cause xi guan with him le.
can play around whatsoever.
i understand him and he understands me.

bee just knew about me smoking today only.
scold me like hell.
hais.
i dont know what to say about my smoking also.
when i very troubled,i can smoke alot continuously.
my friends keep scolding me siao.
hais.
=(

hmm.
recently keep going gombak goodview find andy,hongsiong,cheefong and yongsheng.
partially cause i wanna mia from batok.
mostly to disappear from him.
but things at goodview also not very good.
hais.
make me so troubled.

i already very down over what happened between me and HIM.
and at goodview still got so many matters.
2guys like me.
plus one more they suspecting.
all good friends lai de.
hais.
the problem is all not my cup of tea nia.
and i still love HIM very much.
only andy understands how i feel.
cause he himself also cant let go yet.
hais.
poor us.
=(

did a bet with andy and i lost.
has to be his doggie.
hais.
poor me.
but dont know why in the end hes more like my doggie.
LOL!
whahaha!

anyway got to thank andy for being there for me and cheering me up these few days.
although he also abit emo.
hais.
still,thanks,andy!
^.^

he ar.
quite troublesome nia.
keep asking me this doggie go down his house pei him.
arghhh.
lols.
but actually im quite okay with it de la.
hehe.
who ask him treat me so well.
lols.

regarding HIM.
ive thought alot today.
i dont think i can let go.
but just,afterall i really love him alot.
thus,of course i want him to be happy.
if me leaving will make him happier,i dont mind leaving.
keeping all the pain inside me and leave will make him happy,why not?
i just wish that he will promise me to live happier than i am.
"promise me"
"答应我"
='(

god,please bless HIM!
help me take good care of him!
look over him on my behalf!
xie xie ni!
^.^

我的心里好难受喔!!!
='(

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
2:56 AM

♥Thursday, January 03, 2008

WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!
AHHH!!!
hais.
sobs.
='(

emo periods back again.
worse than before.
hais.
just now on my way to school on bus listening to songs.
thinking of HIM non stop.
staring into thin air.
'fa dai'.
then suddenly mistook a guy who just board the bus for HIM.
i thought i saw HIM.
damn shock.
but when i see clearly,it isnt HIM.
worse thing is that guy look god damn different from HIM.
whats wrong with me?
can even mistook that guy for HIM.
oh gosh.
im really mad about HIM.
hais.

after all that HE said few days back,although very hurtful but i dont know why,i cant cry out.
maybe cause im immune to HIS bad words towards me ba.
HE everytime say me stupid,slow etc.
kinda xi guan le.
like HE never say me,instead i will feel uncomfortable.
hais.

nobody believes that HE doesnt love me.
but what came out of HIS mouth is really a "NOPE" when i ask HIM.
is that word from deep inside his heart?
did HE really ask HIMSELF before?
does HE really doesnt love me?
if so,why still bother about me?

["dont think that you being harsh to me will make me let go! recall back! last time you broke up with me is also use harsh way de! rmb that!"]
["you dont have to leave! if really need leave,the one should be ME!!!"]

tears shed once again.
='(

对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面
秋天的风一阵阵地吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受
最爱你的人是我你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候没有一句话就走
最爱你的人是我你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多你却没有感动过
对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
2:50 PM