♥Friday, November 30, 2007

爱过的人我已不再拥有
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
错过的人是否可以回首
爱过的心没有任何讲求
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
走过的路再也不能停留
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
爱过的心没有任何请求
许多故事有伤心的理由
这一次我的爱情等不到天长地久
走过的路再也不能停留
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后我的爱情在故事里慢慢陈旧
一千个伤心的理由
一千个伤心的理由
最后在别人的故事里我被遗忘

♥RumikoLoves
2:33 AM

initially there are quite afew.
now im the only survivor.
in the past its like that.
now also like that.
being the last survivor also makes no difference.
cause afterall the last survivor will still die.

i may die.
but my heart for HIM will never die.
NEVER EVER.

friends of mine.
please dont ask me how i am or whatever.
cause i really dont wish to say already.
everything suck to me now.

initially my parents and eldest bro dont know that im working at subway.
i really dont wish my mum to know cause she will worry.
she always tends to push whatever bad things blame on my work.
now all thanks to my fucking sec bro.
spilled out everything to mum this morning.
mum came asking this and that.
and blame my school stuffs on work.
i almost had a big quarrel with her.
me and mum seldom quarrel and always on good terms.
i really hate to quarrel with her.
msg my sec bro scold him.
all he reply was "i dont know".
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
all he gives me is troubles.
since young till now.
borrow my dramas out to his friends without my permission and in the end the vcds came back to be all changed to pirated.
WHAT IS THIS?!?!

what hell of family did i have man??
nothing seems right to me anymore.
family,studies,relationship.
ALL SUCK!!!
last but not the least,friendship?
im starting to have doubts about it.

my will for life is fading away.
feel like quitting school.
feel like moving out of this fucking house.
this fucking family.
feel like working and living alone and bring myself up on my own.
feel like living the way i always wanted it to be.
[sobs]
='(

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
1:20 AM

♥Thursday, November 29, 2007

family tearing apart slowly.
third korkor left home already.
left me alone.
hais.
='(

HE also left me alone.
im trying hard to control myself not to contact him at all.
i manage to do so for the time being.
but how much longer i can endure,i really dont know.
im starting to cry again often
[depressed,lost and alone]
='(

these few nights i cant sleep.
tears just flow down my cheeks once again.
i cant control them so more and more flow down.
i really miss him alot alot alot.
miss our past.
our sweet memories.
[misses]
='(

the one im waiting for doesnt want me.
whereas the ones who are waiting for me,i doesnt want them.
what should i do??
[troubled]
=(

im tired of being all alone

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
3:20 PM

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
3:17 PM

♥Friday, November 23, 2007

dedicated to HIM:
对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面

秋天的风一阵阵地吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受

最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有一句话就走

最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
1:22 AM

♥Sunday, November 04, 2007

wa..im god damn shag man..just came back from malaysia only..the trip was kinda great?yup..i think so..although its only one night,its a worthwhile trip..firstly,i manage to celebrate my grandfather's 80th birthday with him..secondly,i can be with my beloved cousins and also see how my niece and nephew are doing,i love them lots..thirdly,i saw 3 shooting stars last night when i was smoking at the backyard secretly with my cousin..my grandparents house is those kampong type de..but ytd nights sky scenery was god damn significant..even though ive seen 6 shooting stars before at esplanade while i thon there with my poly friends,there were also 40 over stars on the sky last night..i can be assured of that..and that is what attracted me..first time ever in my entire life,i saw so many stars on the sky..and people who knows me well,know that i love looking at the night sky,especially the stars and the moon..i really love last night..while looking at those stars,i cried..i have this habit that whenever i see things that are super beautiful,they tend to make me drop my tears..really..hais..how i wish i can take down how it looks like last night but too bad,camera cant do so..it will turn out totally dark..hais..disappointed..=(

indeed,i made my wish after seeing those shooting stars,even though i knew they all wont come true..ive made before several times..cause this is the second time i saw shooting stars..before i leave for malaysia,on friday night when im slacking around batok with reiner,we walk past the bus interchange and saw this wishing pond by the hindu god..it was for deepavali de..i was curious and turn back to take a look at it..threw afew coins in and made my wishes..i really find myself very foolish..i know they all wont come true but still,i keep bringing on those hopes that they will be granted someday somehow..hais..and of course my biggest wish is about HIM..hais..sobs..='(

hmm..indeed..im glad to see my grandfather doing fine,as good as ever..always smile to me and etc..still bathes in cold water at night even though its freezing cold out there,raining..he tough huh?lol..i love going back as all of them dote on me lots..since young till now,never change at all..and aunts also added that ive grown up and become more and more prettier already..LOL!=/ went for the dinner and drank alot of beer..cause one of my uncle is a heavy drinker and so do are his friends..my uncle requested from my parents for me to sit with him,my cousins and his friends..sat together,of course ended up drinking together..kinda bth them..my cup once finished,those friends of his will top up full for me..or rather,when my cup half only,they start topping up le..hais..but was glad i wasnt drunk at all..those friends of his also say that i good at drinking cause i drink so much,my face still havent change colour at all and also not drunk at all..LOL!frankly speaking,i find myself a sucky drinker..really..

me and my cousins also did one stupid thing at the restaurant..cause they two smoke for many years already,so halfway eating,they will be tempted to want go smoke..so we hid at the toilet and smoke together..ended up alot of people standing outside waiting..LOL..and indeed,i smoke the longest..cause malaysias cigarettes are longer and thicker..i smoke till very shag..lol..

after the dinner,my uncle bought extra bottles of beer for me and my cousins bring back grandparents house and drink..LOL..and yup..me and my cousins had girls talk and slept at a very late time..morning 4plus than sleep..lol..hmm..but was glad to hear from my elder cousin that shes doing well and her husband is a good one..she also just gave birth to her daughter not long and shes damn beautiful..a very cute baby too..as for her son,now already 4years old,still as clever as ever..one of those clever children that i know of..very young jiu behave kinda like an adult already..see her children really makes me myself give birth to one too..lol..she also got pregnant at 19years old then married de..shot gun marriage i can say..as for my second elder cousin,she also got herself a boyfriend..also a nice one too..i really hope they two will last..if possible,next year CNY i go back that time,they still together..hmm..as for me,my cousins had always thought im attached..and was shock to find out that im single..hais..=(

hmm..these two days,my cousin-in-law keep driving us all out to eat desserts cause of the damn hot weather..my second elder cousin in charge of taking care of the baby,me in charge of taking care of the son..lol..we really do look like baby-sitters man..haha..

my elder cousin did told me about her past experience last night..before she got married,she also waited for a guy and waited for 4years..but in the end the guy doesnt know how to appreciate her and she gave up and went to be with another guy who is her husband now..but up till now,the guy she used to wait still contacts her and even ask her to divorce with her husband and be with him..he will take care of her children too..i scold her that guy "SIAO!"..my cousins also agreed too..sometimes,somethings dont wait till regret liao then do..treasure them before they are gone..it applies on all kinds of stuffs..family,love ones,friends,chances,opportunities etc..DO NOT take things for granted!

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
11:19 PM

♥Friday, November 02, 2007

he will never know how much he mean to me..just 2 words out from his mouth,"dont smoke",ill immediately on the spot quit for him..ill do everything for him..contribute or sacrifice..whatever anyone can think of..ill do whatever it takes to get his love..but the problem is i dont know what to do..or rather,theres nothing i can do..hais..sobs..='(

im like so frustrated..guys confessing to me,doing things for me,keep asking me out,caring and loving me..BUT all i can ever think of is HIM!all i ever wanted is HIM and nothing else!='(

now everyday at home is like waiting for the family to fall apart..my closest bro,third one,couldnt tolerate my eldest bro anymore and told me that hes moving out again next month..hais..he left home few years ago..then came back for afew years..now leaving again..hais..aint we a family?aint we suppose to face problems together as a family?but how come everyones running away?i dont mean a single thing to him ma?i thought he dote on me the most?why leave me?i feel as though really no one wants me already,you know?CHARCOAL dont want me..mummy cant care me much..now third korkor also dont want me le..not long later,second korkor also moving out le..everybodys leaving me behind..throwing me aside..i hate them..truly hate them..they never think of how will i feel..as a child in the past,seeing my bros kena tortured by my eldest one then bth and leave home,i can never describe how i feel back then..then now as a grown-up,they leave again..hais..i really doubt that im their so-call 'BELOVED SISTER'..=(

mummy sprain her neck ytd night while sleeping then complain to me about her ache just now when she back from work..although im god damn tired already but still,i applied medicated oil on her neck and help her massage..hope that she will feel better..but instead,i massage till my hand muscle cramp..hais..=(

today dont know smoke how many cigarettes nia..the greatest record so far?i guess so..got 10 over sticks in just one day,today..hais..

these few nights i really find it hard to sleep..i cant stop thinking of him..he just cant get off my mind..hais..what should i do??can someone save me?hais..sobs..='(
neverending sleepless nights???

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
3:42 AM

♥Thursday, November 01, 2007

it really hurts to see him avoiding me this way..hurts a million times..hais..but i cant express it infront of others..seeing him behaving this way,i really feel like dying..what wrong did i do?why must he treat me this way?hais..sobs..='(

saw him at csc today at night..i went there to play pool with xiaoben..HE also playing too..with reiner,nicholas and rest..i didnt expect him to be there..if not for xiaoben's ic left there,we also wont go there play pool de..

THEY left before us..after pool,i went to the toilet..walk past reiner and talk to him awhile..ask him where is HE,then i know HES hiding behind the pillar..when HE saw me coming,he faster go there hide..whats wrong with HIM?hais..even reiner also say,why must everything turn out so ugly?hais..i myself also dont know..i only know that i see HIM hiding there,my heart hurts alot..hais..but ive got to act as if it doesnt matter to me..but frankly speaking..am i that scary?that ugly?that HE needs to hide away whenever he sees me??hais..sobs..='(

today dont know smoke how many cigarettes..too many till i forgot le..felt very sucky today..i only know i left with one for tml..thats all..

just now when on my way walking home,it started to rain..and indeed,i walked in the rain home..with tears flowing down my cheek..cause of how he reacted today..when i picture the whole incident,its exactly the same like how he avoided me in the past..those years..in bukitview..outside..etc..totally same..last time already hurts me lots..what more now?hais..now i know whatever he said to me are bullshit..say wont treat me the same as the past already and etc..afterall?everything turn back the same way..what is this?its not that i force or keep pestering him for patch with me or what leh..just remain friends only,will kill him like that..hais..sobs..='(

and yup..im truly disappointed to find him not using THAT present that i gave him..hais..i guess he really threw it away already..or maybe gave it to his brother or friends..hais..
=(

just now i bath myself in the cold shower again..for a long time once again..with my tears flowing down AGAIN!arghhh!hais..im shivering like hell cause of the cold and rainy weather outside too..but thats the only way to make myself numb..so that i cant feel a thing..cant feel the pain inside me..the big hole injury inside my heart..plus the scars..hais..but afterall,after the shower,everything still turn back to how it was previously..the pain and scars are still there..they just wont go..

i didnt know tonight was halloween till just now when i was slacking outside subway with alvin(jonathans friend) and jonathan(nicholass brother)..my assistant manager came out and told me about it..and asked why i didnt go celebrate,like clubbing etc..at that very moment,im stunned..ya..HES the first person who came to my mind..celebrating it with HIM will be my wish..but anyway,everything between US has already over..so forget it..hais..=(

分手到底是不是你要的结果
给不了我太多还不准我难过
不知道是为了什么
还要把你无力的爱记得那么多
怎么放手

也许上天安排你我擦身而过
我明白和你的爱不可能会有结果
你留下泛黄的承诺
要我抱着你的双手流着泪不准你走
说我贱也无话可说

连哭都是我的错
在你面前还要我怎么做
要我看见你们拥抱还一笑而过
沉默是我的错

连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体就已经太执着
爱你是我错连结束也是我的错
isnt because of this song thats why YOU will say everythings YOUR fault even though at times it isnt??
is this the reason that YOU are talking about??
hais..sobs..='(

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
1:06 AM