♥Tuesday, August 14, 2007

ytd night cried real badly..my tears are like an inproper-closed watertap, the water droplets keep dripping non-stop..haiz..cause of some disputes with bbh..its been months since ive cried so badly le..think the last time is around march? still rmb was during work..i hid inside cine kbox level 8 toilet and cry..cause was together with melmel and i found out he hide alot stuffs behind me and lie to me..haiz..long story..anyway its over le..hmm..did cried very badly that night..till i keep vomitting..haiz..still rmb that time kinda pai sei..come out from toilet, eyes god damn swollen, face very pale and my kbox colleagues were like consoling me etc..hmm..but this time, i cry till asthma attack..luckily my inhaler is still usable..haiz..come to think of it..i missed my annual asthma check-ups for quite a few years le..since secondary school? hmm..ever since my that dad went bankrupt ba..haiz..then mum also forgot about my check-ups already..actually every year i rmb de..just dont want to remind her only..if she will rmb, she will definitely bring me go..but i dont want to waste the money..home not much money already..the check-up takes up 60 to 80 bucks..at NUH..cause my doctor at there..since young jiu stay there le..haiz..nvm la..got inhaler, nothing should be a problem..hehe.. ;) ytd night when quarrel with bbh, i used alot of f*** words..haiz..for the first time in my entire life, i used so many times at one go..omg..also dont know whats wrong with me..guess ive really changed..like what bbh said.. =(

today nothing special..initially went jurong superbowl mac use lappy cause nowhere to go..alone somemore..haiz..then bbh off work, come find me..disputes start again..here and there, here and there..pei him go bank to do stuffs etc..and in the end, he ask me pei him go jp watch movies..and we watched two of them somemore..lol..we are real bored la..at first, he say rush hour 3 cause his friends say very funny..and it is indeed REAL FUNNY! LOL..i really laugh my ass out..haha..worth watching even though initially im not interested in that movie at all..after the movie, we went walk walk..i bought some stationeries and teacher's day present plus card for mrs yvonne ong..after that we really very bo liao and went to watch movie again..lol..this time horror one..ALONE..haha..scare the hell out of us during the first half..when at the back, its more like a thriller..lol..hmm..that show still okay..shutter is better to me..bbh say the actors are the same as shutter..i guess so ba..haha..cause i got stm..dont really rmb liao..lol..

just now at cinema, saw kaikai working there..shock sia..lol..when he saw me, he like shy shy like that..as usual..its him..haha..kaikai is my close friend in bukit view too..one that really seen my worst..haiz..drunk for the first time..at his condo bbq..kneel down beg him and etc..long long story..im just too foolish to be crazy over a sickening bastard whom i call charcoal for one year plus..totally got over him after few years..omg..*faint* haiz..kaikai knows me quite well..hes also bee's classmate in bukit view..just now i ask him serve me, he take away the 'next counter please' stand and open the counter just for me..i feel so honoured sia..lol..thanks, kaikai! i trick him just now..by asking him which drink will i want to order..he guess ice lemon tea..and he got it right! haha..he still knows me well! =) hmm..kaikai msg me say golden village still hiring, think i shall consider working there ba..after that, bbh send me to jurong sheng siong buy some stuffs and we went boon lay market eat dinner..and this dinner is really YUMMY for me..hehe..wanton mee and stingray! wow! STINGRAY! MY FAVOURITE! haha..bbh not much appetite and yup, stingray i in charge..haha..90% of it is i finish de..i feel like i had accomplished a huge mission..lol..cause its my first time finishing so much food..totally clean and cleared..haha.. =P and we went to buy bread then went home..

when im in bukit view, yvonne ong is the closest teacher to me among all, although alot teachers treat me very well..she knows the most about me and cares the most..we regard each other as close friends..haha..weird hor? i last time after school sometimes will go her office and chat with her for hours..haha..she tell her story, i tell her mine..hehe..hmm..guess shes the third person who support me move out of home for a period of time during my o level year..she understands why..i shall not elaborate..the first and second persons are bee and his mum..cause in the end, i moved to bee's house stay..haha..but of course, im with him that time..his family took care of me..plus my godparents too..sometimes went over to their house stay too..lol..i sound like begger ya? stay here and there..haha..haiz..told you..my life suck the hell out of everything..arghhh..

ytd got msg with bee awhile..we were asking each other about our well-being..hes single too..haha..we same same..want stay single..hehe..i call him at first..to ask him for my atm password..haha..weird hor? my card, i dont know password but he know..lol..his memory is usually better than mine..thats why is he always help me rmb de..furthermore the password is our resemblance..i took my new card when with him de..thats why..

suddenly i miss lion and dragon dance alot..haiz..feel like last time train so hard, then never go le, like very wasted..lion head learn starting only..'ba' only half a part i guess..dragon body jiu train familiar with 3rd and 4th zhe..chingay drums? over liao..performance done..ive contributed..afterall dragon is my favourite..i miss it alot! i miss my coaches and mates! juboon still rocks to me! but studies, family and health come first..if i go training, i will tire myself out..haiz..so i hope they all will understand..i also heard that jian yi coach never teach le..im like wth..he train dragon very well de leh..our guys is he train de leh..wonder why..think cause of his gf ba..then he want settle down..maybe? lol..

ever since that dream, disputes with bbh and etc, my feelings are really god damn confused..to the extent, now i dont even know who i actually like..how how how? omg..i know myself that i still havent got over totally with bbh..i still bothers about him, his stuffs and etc..as for him, i know very well that he still loves me alot..but to be honest, we cant work it out de..really..even we are friends, disputes are still there..what more couples? and for that person in my dream, the dream is still bothering me..what should i do? can someone tell me? haiz..really dont know who i like..bbh or HIM? bbh already know who is the HIM le..and if i put myself in his shoes, it really doesnt feel good at all when he knows that person is HIM..but i dont understand what bbh is thinking seriously..im trying real hard to get over HIM and bbh keep mentioning HIM when out with me just now..im like wth..i want forget, you keep reminding me..what is this? haiz..

bbh..just now i keep dont want let you do those stuffs is not cause im angry..is cause i dont feel good about it..all these while ever since we broke up till now, i already dont feel good le..just that i never say only..this time, today, when my feelings are really god damn confused and mixed up, i feel even more not good about it..im sorry..

charcoal is a guy i did too many foolish stuffs for him and struggle over him for years..a guy who thought hes very big deal and thinks that girls will always surround him..take me for granted..now his 'bao yin' is here le..dont want study la..o level results sucks like hell..i working, spent 100plus bucks from my salary to buy assessment books for him, go his house everyday, give him free tuitions before o level, in the end lots of excuses..ask him do homework, he copy ans..if not never do, say busy..then tell me this day not free, that day not free..sometimes go his house liao, he say he tired, want sleep..i still need keep pulling him up and beg him to study..WTH..IM SO STUPID! HES NOT MY BF ALREADY AND I DO ALL THESE! really hate myself..for being such an idiot..fool..in the past..............