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♥Wednesday, August 15, 2007
today finally told bbh the result..of the whole matter..really hope he can take it..haiz..even if he cant, he still have to anyway..hmm..think i really shouldnt contact him too much..hes struggling..guess the more we get in contact, the more harder he find it to let go..i should also let go fully too..
today really very bad mood..down i suppose..initially at jurong superbowl mac using lappy..but around evening time, i wanted to leave mac and go for a walk around taman..and i did..but before that when leaving, my asthma attack suddenly come..haiz..at first cough, then keep coughing, then attack liao..sianz..never bring inhaler..pack up and go toilet, vomit abit and wanted to cool down, the toilet god damn smelly..so i faster leave mac liao..felt better..
walk from there to lakepoint canal..sat at the bench beside the canal and the terraces..directly in front of me is lakepoint condo..sat for an hour plus..want cry, cant cry out..dont know why..then i look at the sky but not much stars.. =( feel the night breeze and its great..also saw lots of people jogging and cycling..its exactly 37 minutes for me to walk from mac to canal..lol..without stopping for traffic..didnt look at the cars..just cross..cause im real depressed and i didnt really care much..didnt know so heng..no car accident at all..lol..im sick!
i really bth..inside very nan shou..so went home, change and went to the canal again, but to jog this time..after a few rounds, cool down, stood beside the canal..look down and tears start dripping into the canal finally..cause throughout the jog, that dream keeps bothering me..i really cant take it le..so it all came out..my heart hurts real badly too, after knowing that HE thought of me this way all along..although i know it long ago, or rather i guess it..but i didnt know i guess so accurately..supported with bbh's words, everything concludes with truth..
sat at somewhere beside the canal to rest..then happen to look over bbh's condo..once i look over, 2 faces appear in my mind..haiz..here i go again..mixed and confused feelings..then i told myself that ive already sort out my feelings and come to that decision..so i better make that decision work out..
after everything, i went home through the long way..wanna slowly walk home..passed by coffeeshop, saw ying rui..he pei me walk to my lift..plus his bullshit again..asked him if he know about the girl suicide infront of her bf on national day beside my block, he dont know but ended up saying it wont happen on US de..wth..since when im his gf..everytime anyhow talk cock..infront of my third brother also like that..luckily brother knows my cup of tea..lol..
saw gilson and mak studying at mac too..they having their 'n' prelims now..gilson come pei me awhile then not long later they go home le..but he reach home already ask me go yew tee mac use lappy and we can talk together or sth..its near for him but far for me..so i didnt go..no point..
gym with ah mei on either thursday or friday..yuppy! as usual..jurong west de new stadium..the gym there quite okay..machines quite new to me..recommended but not responsible hor..lol..
*my korkor in heaven.......please give me your blessings in whatever i do! i miss you badly.. ='( i know you love me the most..really hope that you can hear the voices of my heart..mum loves you alot, you know??? she didnt expect that to happen on you de..and she cant be help with it..
although you are gone long before im born but i can feel that you are watching over me from somewhere all this while..i hope im not mentally sick..if you didnt go, maybe our house wont be what it is now..so chaotic..anyway WO AI NI, KORKOR!!!*
[back from jogging..]
♥RumikoLoves
1:39 AM
RUMIKO
