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♥Wednesday, October 17, 2007
after today..ive really got to admit..i cant live without him..really..i miss him alot alot..i didnt really see him today and i miss him so badly that im going insane..i love him more than anyone..im willing to sacrifice anything for him..really..but he wont come back..he just wont..no matter what i do,he still leaves me..ALONE..he doesnt bother about me anymore..whether im dead or alive,he doesnt care..he will only say..its my business..not his..haiz..sobs..='(ive been waiting..always waiting..throughout these 3 years..waiting for his love..but it never came..he never denies his love for me..but he also never admits either..haiz..im really troubled..depressed..im really afraid that i will go out of my mind soon..ive been waiting for his msg today..whole day waiting..weiwen,weixiang,weijian,dajing,ricky korkor etc msg me..but his didnt come..truly disappointed..upset..i really wonder..what should i do then he will come back to me?its not that i didnt do much for him..i really did alot for him..more than enough i think..i gave him all my heart..for him to make use,make fun of etc..but i never blame him..why must he still treat me this way?am i really not worthy for his love?or maybe the girl he has always been wanting is always beside him?and that he had totally forgotten about me?forgot about my existence?that ive been waiting all along?loving him all this while?doing so much for him?haiz..maybe shes the right one for him..thats why he will let her be with him,instead of me..i truly realise that hes better off without me..he dont need me at all..shes the one he need all along..my heart really hurts..feel being stabbed a billion times..but all i can do is cry,writing out my feelings here..afterall if he is happy being with her,i should be happy for him too..last night i couldnt sleep..until this morning 5plus then i went to bed..suppose to wake up at 6plus,an hour later,and go school but in the end,i didnt..i slept through..totally no will to wake up at all..feel like lying there forever..and ya..in the end,i didnt go school..woke up in the afternoon..went to lavender enquire about my passport renewal..then to botak's house..suppose to tutor him maths but in the end got problem and we need to go down cc sit..bad things happen..botak kena beaten by other guy..im god damn fucked up..his face red le lo..basket..but too bad,we cant find those people anymore..they are gone..poor botak..haiz..seeing my very own buddy hurt but i cant do anything for him..felt so helpless..haiz..=(i did went csc awhile then go westmall find weijian..went to watch 'Mr WoodCock' with him and his friends..funny show..but watch halfway,i suddenly think of HIM and i stopped watching for a moment..haiz..went back home..went to bath but in the end,i cried once again..letting out my feelings,thoughts and misses towards him..i really feel very hopeless..i miss him so much but all i can do is imagining writing his name down with my finger..the more i write,the more i think of our past and memories,and the more i cry..afterall,no matter how many guys i meet,they still cant change your position in my heart..at times,he really care and take care of me alot..but im afraid is cause hes guilty of how he treat me in the past..and that hes trying to pay back..haiz..i really hope it isnt like this..
i pick up smoking once again today..haiz..i dont wanna care about myself le..he doesnt even care about me..so why should i care?haiz..sobs..='(
btw ytd kacua and pongpong got ask me down to jurong superbowl pei them eat kfc but i didnt..then kena said by kacua till very jialat..cause everytime he ask me out,i didnt go..then he still say want wait for me go down no matter what,he dont care..haiz..but i really cant go down..i'm sorry..just that kacua's timing always not right de..haiz..[why must things always turn out this way?back to how we were in the past..haiz..sobs..='(]-lurbbing him
♥RumikoLoves
1:54 AM
RUMIKO
