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♥Wednesday, October 17, 2007
does anyone know how it feels when you hug your deepest love one to sleep but ended up dreaming of him with another girl together?i did..i know..and i hate that feeling..i really hate it so much that i really feel like digging my heart and brain out..to stop that feeling keep coming to me..haiz..sobs..='(its my worst nightmare ever..i woke up from that nightmare with tears flowing down my cheek..after finding him lying just right beside me,i really felt a deep sign of relief..then i look at him sleep..looking at his face sleeping so soundly..really feel like kissing him..but i know he will be afraid of me if i do so..so i didnt..ive got to respect him..instead,i hug him even tighter..i need him..i know i desperately need him..i cant live without him..but still,tears never stop flowing..my heart hurts..really hurts alot..waking up from that nightmare truly tells me how afraid i am for him to leave me..i have so much fears in me..fear that he will go with her,instead of me..but in the end,it really happened that way..my deepest fear happened..im hugging him..hes hugging me..but i dreamt of him with HER..them hugging,kissing..no one can imagine how i felt after having that nightmare..it haunts me almost every night..i couldnt sleep at all whenever that nightmare came to my mind..i never stop crying whenever i recall that nightmare..wherever i am,whenever i think of it..what should i do?i really hope that someone can just brainwash me..erase all these shits out from my mind..i cant take it anymore..not much longer..school just reopen and i skipped most of my lessons already so far..skipped first lesson on monday..skipped school on tuesday..and skipped my first lesson today too..me..totally no mood to study,no mood to play,no mood to enjoy life,no mood to move on with my life,no appetite to eat,sleepless nights..how much longer can i take all these?if ever i drop out of poly or retain,i really dont wanna move on with my life already..theres no longer anything important to me to keep me moving on..he used to be the one..but now..he no longer needs me..theres nothing left to keep me here..on this earth..in this mother fucking world..
我讨厌阴天的风
冷得那么刺痛
只有你能够抚平所有的寂寞
昨天的风筝在角落
被谁丢到了路口
我很不想让你找到离开的理由
每一夜闭上眼睛
我看到了恶梦
你微笑但是旁边的人不是我
天空切开一道裂缝
直接割到我心中
不想装作脆弱
也不想爱得懦弱
其实我非常爱你不想失去你
难道我没有权利说我不愿意
你给了他的吻
虽然只有余温
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心
我每天假装开心害怕你离去
可不可以任性
求求你不要去
藏在我心里最后一句
其实还爱你
可不可以任性
求求你不要去
藏在我心里最后一句
其实还爱你-lurbbing him
♥RumikoLoves
4:11 PM
RUMIKO
