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♥Wednesday, October 17, 2007


i cant stop thinking about death today..haiz..im wondering how many sleeping pills will kill me..my friend say 10 will be enough..but im not too sure about that..i keep having the urge to steal my bro's sleeping pills and eat..have been considering this for the past few days..if i didnt die,my bro confirm will beat me again for that..cause he seriously hates stealing and lying..haiz..so if i really wanna eat,ive got to never wake up from it again..i prefer this way of leaving this world..cause painless..i dont wanna die in pain..i wanna sleep to death..sleep my way to hell..life without him is meaningless to me..really..haiz..sobs..='(

initially dont wanna go down batok today de..but cause dajing's off day changed to today,instead of tml..and i had promised to meet him when he off so no choice..got to go down..he keep saying me when i say i dont want..so i surrender..luckily dajing wasnt with HIM..only reiner..but in the end,when we sit outside mos and chat,i saw HIM,aryn and alvin walking towards mos..haiz..i tried to take my stuffs and run but reiner hold onto them so i ran to toilet myself..haiz..came out,saw him and rest walking towards my direction,i turned the other way and walk..but still,i didnt manage to avoid him..haiz..dont know is coincident or what..he changed his direction too and walk my direction..haiz..i walk past him..but didnt dare to look into his eyes..so i look away..i dont wanna see him..im afraid i will find it harder to let go..i never see him already want die le..see him le,i should go and die straight?haiz..i really dont know what i want..ive got to admit..i miss him alot and really hope to see him all the time but i dont wanna let him see me..haiz..im in a deep dilemma now..

one funny thing happen to me just now when im on my way home..im on bus 187 and some stupid biker keep waving to me hugely outside my window..i looked out awhile and he tried to communicate with me..i immediately turned away and ignore him..lolx..he really look god damn stupid behaving that way..haha..


我想我已开始有点疑惑
好像被他说中些什么
难道已经没有别的选择
只能乖乖的束手就策
难过的是我们做了选择
是对是错谁也没把握
如果要我放手才能获得
为何在我心中有舍不得
看着你要走还装著笑容
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久
如果现在开口如何挽留
感情这条线注定只能这么远
不敢相信已经来到终点
想你爱他必定多一些
我们之间不可能再回到从前
我还傻傻画着幸福线
看着你走远还继续装笑脸
掩饰折磨我能撑多久
如果现在开口怎么挽留
感情这条线注定无法延长一点
你已不在而我何时才清醒
相信一切都是命
不曾放弃你我不会说什么
默默的承受像个男子汉
看着你要走[看着看着你要走]
还装着笑容[多么多么笑容]
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久[还要撑多久]
如果现在开口[现在开口]
如何挽留[如何挽留]
感情这条线注定只能这么远
看着你要走[woo~]
还装着笑容[we will carry on]
掩饰的脆弱要撑多久[knowing there were words i've never said baby]
如果现在开口[现在开口]
如何挽留[如何挽留]
感情这条线
注定只能这么远
[let the words remain unsaid]

sleeping pills...please put me to sleep forever...thanks...


-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
11:32 PM