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♥Friday, October 19, 2007
these few nights keep sleeping with mummy and hatred(father)..cause sec and third bros keep coming back home to sleep so i no place sleep,got to squeeze with my parents..haiz..but still,i keep having problems getting myself to sleep..and ended up couldnt wake up in the morning and didnt go school..also plus i pei my bro till very late..like ytd night..i pei him till 240am and i say i want go sleep already cause very sleepy then he ask me what time i need wake up,i say 11am..then he say 3am to 11am then is sleep 8 hours,which means i still got 20 minutes got to pei him then can go sleep..im like wth..cant i just sleep alittle more?haiz..20 minutes he also want argue with me..i really feel suck living in that family with him..i really dont know how much longer can i tolerate all these nonsense..18 years of pain and chaos created all by him..violence and quarrels..bruises and cuts..blood..haiz..sobs..='(today is god damn suay for me..i almost fell down at my house there when i going to school..then just now when alighting bus 61 at batok bus interchange,i fell..my toes and feet hurts damn lots la..haiz..i really feel like getting a new pair of havanas but too bad..i broke le..really no money liao..plus now i try to work as much as i can to save money for HIS birthday present and cake..wanna get a nice one for HIM..so got to work harder le..now im like working and studying at the same time..monday and tuesday end early,at 1 so i work 3 to 9..then saturday work 10 to 4..confirm must chiong liao..confirm very tiring de..plus my health deteriorating le..but this year is his 18th birthday..must be a special one..like how i respect my 18th birthday this year..so ive got to do a good one for him..last year i organise a simple birthday bbq for him..this year nehx?hmmmmm...........................
recently keep having the urge to smoke again..but im trying real hard to control myself not to..and keep eating sweets to replace them..then my urge to drink came today..i really feel like making myself drunk and cry out all my pain,let me forget all those painful memories,let me forget HIM,let me let go of HIM..haiz..who wanna drink with me??
ive touched cigarettes and pills but all made me feel better for a moment only..haiz..feel like trying cough syrup..i wanna find out why he like cough syrup so much..i guess i get 2 bottles from the polyclinic one of these days and try out,see how..now the only thing that keeps me moving on is his birthday..i guess after his birthday,everythings still the way it is or got worse,ill just take in sleeping pills and put myself to sleep forever..i no longer wanna take all these miseries..
-lurbbing him
♥RumikoLoves
4:14 PM
RUMIKO
