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♥Tuesday, October 16, 2007
well..today nothing much..school reopen..went back to school once again..today quite shiok..cause end at 1pm..before that,went for some stupid briefing..and bad news..the students under the same major as i am,got to go for our attachment during year 3,first semester..haiz..sianz..which means after the attachment,the last half of my final year,got to go back to school and study again..god damn lame shit it is..haiz..suay like siao..=( went back to batok after my lunch in school today..to meet nicholas,joseph,daryl and lynette..went to csc de ktv sing..then to cc coffeeshop slack..then to westmall arcade..saw HIM there..im glad..but depressed too at the same time,cause of his treatment towards me..haiz..today also suck to me..i cried alot times..whenever im alone,i cry..after arcade,i went to my usual crying hideout at 620 alone..cry cry cry..weijian msg me and knew i was sad so ask me go csc find him..met him there and we went westmall arcade again..i happened to see HIM again..at mos burger..HIM sitting with my worst nightmare there..haiz..i feel my heart being stabbed a million times..='(
then weijian send me to bus stop wait for 187 home..i cried once again while on my way walking back home from my destination stop..lakeside mrt..a total of 10 minutes walk home crying non-stop..stopped awhile to prevent my brothers knowing that i cried..
went to bathroom,continue again..i turn on the shower and the freezing cold water sprinkling on me..it was cold..god damn cold..but i dont have the mood,or rather the will to go out and on the heater..there i am..squatting down under the freezing cold shower crying all the way for more than half an hour..im freezing..i know i am..but the crying made my inner body abit warmer..then my head started giddy..and i knew..i cried too much..i realise..no matter how much i cry,im still unable to cry out all 3 years of pain inside my heart..
i really dont know how much longer can i endure all these..life without him..life with him treating me this way..life with a sucky family..life with so much fears,violence,hatred,quarrels,sadness,loneliness,darkness..i rather die..my will to live is weaker than ever..people can say im stupid..but im serious here..if ever,i cant take it anymore and leave this world,close friends of mine,who have my family's contact no,please help me inform my third brother regarding this blog..ask him to read my blog..thanks..
sleepless nights..........fears............tears..................sadness in the heart
-lurbbing him
♥RumikoLoves
1:11 AM
RUMIKO
