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♥Thursday, November 01, 2007


it really hurts to see him avoiding me this way..hurts a million times..hais..but i cant express it infront of others..seeing him behaving this way,i really feel like dying..what wrong did i do?why must he treat me this way?hais..sobs..='(

saw him at csc today at night..i went there to play pool with xiaoben..HE also playing too..with reiner,nicholas and rest..i didnt expect him to be there..if not for xiaoben's ic left there,we also wont go there play pool de..

THEY left before us..after pool,i went to the toilet..walk past reiner and talk to him awhile..ask him where is HE,then i know HES hiding behind the pillar..when HE saw me coming,he faster go there hide..whats wrong with HIM?hais..even reiner also say,why must everything turn out so ugly?hais..i myself also dont know..i only know that i see HIM hiding there,my heart hurts alot..hais..but ive got to act as if it doesnt matter to me..but frankly speaking..am i that scary?that ugly?that HE needs to hide away whenever he sees me??hais..sobs..='(

today dont know smoke how many cigarettes..too many till i forgot le..felt very sucky today..i only know i left with one for tml..thats all..

just now when on my way walking home,it started to rain..and indeed,i walked in the rain home..with tears flowing down my cheek..cause of how he reacted today..when i picture the whole incident,its exactly the same like how he avoided me in the past..those years..in bukitview..outside..etc..totally same..last time already hurts me lots..what more now?hais..now i know whatever he said to me are bullshit..say wont treat me the same as the past already and etc..afterall?everything turn back the same way..what is this?its not that i force or keep pestering him for patch with me or what leh..just remain friends only,will kill him like that..hais..sobs..='(

and yup..im truly disappointed to find him not using THAT present that i gave him..hais..i guess he really threw it away already..or maybe gave it to his brother or friends..hais..
=(

just now i bath myself in the cold shower again..for a long time once again..with my tears flowing down AGAIN!arghhh!hais..im shivering like hell cause of the cold and rainy weather outside too..but thats the only way to make myself numb..so that i cant feel a thing..cant feel the pain inside me..the big hole injury inside my heart..plus the scars..hais..but afterall,after the shower,everything still turn back to how it was previously..the pain and scars are still there..they just wont go..

i didnt know tonight was halloween till just now when i was slacking outside subway with alvin(jonathans friend) and jonathan(nicholass brother)..my assistant manager came out and told me about it..and asked why i didnt go celebrate,like clubbing etc..at that very moment,im stunned..ya..HES the first person who came to my mind..celebrating it with HIM will be my wish..but anyway,everything between US has already over..so forget it..hais..=(

分手到底是不是你要的结果
给不了我太多还不准我难过
不知道是为了什么
还要把你无力的爱记得那么多
怎么放手

也许上天安排你我擦身而过
我明白和你的爱不可能会有结果
你留下泛黄的承诺
要我抱着你的双手流着泪不准你走
说我贱也无话可说

连哭都是我的错
在你面前还要我怎么做
要我看见你们拥抱还一笑而过
沉默是我的错

连哭都是我的错
空房间独自等待着日落
爱没有进入身体就已经太执着
爱你是我错连结束也是我的错
isnt because of this song thats why YOU will say everythings YOUR fault even though at times it isnt??
is this the reason that YOU are talking about??
hais..sobs..='(

-lurbbing him

♥RumikoLoves
1:06 AM